If you are not in your ideal partnership right now, there’s a reason and it has everything to do with you.
Don’t worry, I’m not blaming you. I’m challenging you to stop making excuses and look squarely into the mirror.
I rejected every good woman I dated for over 10 years. I would find countless reasons why she was the problem. This only served to dig the hole I was already in even deeper.
To have a more successful, fulfilling partnership in 2019, consider the impact of taking more responsibility for your relationships. Not in self-blame, but in personal responsibility, a vital tool we teach here at The Relationship School®.
Read over this short list and notice which of them ring true. Did I miss any? Please write your list below in the comments. But here’s the catch: you CANNOT blame the other person. Deal? “Well, she never.” “He always…” Those don’t work. 2019 is the year you take responsibility, and with that, the year you get to have major breakthroughs.
Here are the 15 most common blocks to getting what you want relationally in 2019:
- Fairytale– You still believe the fairy tale that once you find “the one” everything will be happy and great. Barf.
- Comparison– You compare yourself or them to the fairy tale. Enter shame.
- Entitlement– You don’t think you have anything to learn and you think you or the relationship is “fine.” You are not coachable and haven’t yet take on the role of lifelong student.
- Denial– You keep denying there’s a problem.
- Lack of Understanding- You don’t understand how intimate relationships really work. You never formally learned.
- Hope– You keep hoping your partner will change and you expect them to conform to your values.
- Apathy– You distract and medicate your problems away (facebook, porn, TV, drugs, sugar, pharmies, etc).
- Low Priority – it’s just not important enough to you yet.
- Conflict avoidant– You don’t know how to work out your differences and you rely on childhood methods and approaches. You can’t handle yourself; your own reactivity, hurt feelings, triggers, and upset. You can’t handle your partner; their reactivity, hurt feelings and upset.
- Self Blame– You judge and shame yourself for being where you are at, so it’s hard to motivate to improve when you are collapsed.
- Other Blame– You point the finger and avoid taking responsibility for your part which means you’ll never be able to control the outcome.
- Fear of being alone– You don’t want to be alone so you stay in a mediocre relationship.
- Past pain– You’ve been hurt by people in the past and it’s clouding your belief in what’s possible.
- Deserve issues– You don’t think you deserve it.
- Could you relate to any of these?
These are some common mistakes people make in partnerships.
Chances are you had at least one, but likely more than one, right? What emotion came up? Guilt? Shame? Hurt? Sadness? If it’s true that you connected with one or more from the list above, what are you going to do about it? Because it’s keeping you from the partnership you deserve.
Take the view that a beautiful partnership where you feel met, seen, and understood is in your hands. Yes, I understand it takes two in a partnership. However, I’m challenging you to get honest about where you’re stuck, where you run away, or what you avoid.
If you are tired of repeating painful relationship patterns or getting the same mediocre results, come learn with us in 2019 here at The Relationship School. Here’s a link to the best relationship course in the world, and our application to this 9-month radical relationship breakthrough training.
Stay ashamed or take action and feel better inside. Your choice.