Jayson, Author at The Relationship School®

3 Words To Instantly Transform A Fight – With Gaby and Raj – SC 35

In this fun and enlightening episode, I interview Gaby and Raj, two powerful relationship coaches and teachers with a unique perspective on marriage, conflict and personal growth. They are committed to spreading one message—if you are struggling to have a sense of play, peace or passion in your relationship, it’s not your fault (relationships can be seriously challenging!). And they share how resolving conflict doesn’t have to be so serious or significant. I love how artfully they weave lightness, humor and play into their work with couples.

SHOWNOTES

What did one guest say at their engagement party that gave them a reality check? [4:50]
How did Gaby and Raj get into relationship work? [5:36]
One key distinction on how to view struggles in a relationship [8:15]
The two things that define a fight [10:10]
Three words that can transform a fight in an instant [13:35]
Introverted man and extroverted woman [16:50]
How to reframe the things you don’t like about your partner [20:03]
Why we attract our opposite in a partner [24:16]
Does the behavior define the person? [24:55]
What role does community play in a marriage? [25:15]
What to say to each other before each meal. [34:28]
Different versions of fights [38:40]

HELPFUL LINKS

[bctt tweet=”Don’t wait for your problems to come to you before your relationship demands your attention.”]

ABOUT GABY AND RAJ

Gaby and Raj decided to use all the pain and frustration they were going through to learn about navigating conflict and what made relationships soar rather than sink. They’ve done tons of research, a ridiculous amount of reading, went to what seemed like one too many workshops, and had plenty of their own “learning opportunities.” They were committed to taking action to get clear about exactly what they wanted (as opposed to focusing on their complaints and all that they did NOT want) and what it would take to get there. Then friends and strangers wanted to know what the Secret Sauce is to their marriage. In fact, the whole reason Gaby and Raj are even working in the relationship education world is because for years, people kept asking them to do it. From the drudgery and despair to play and passion, they offer many tips, tricks and games they’ve used to put an END to all the tension, the bickering and the separateness so you can START having a “playful, peaceful and passionate relationship – a P3 Relationship.” You can find out more about them and their work here.

What To Do When Your Partner Triggers You – SC 34

If you are in a long-term relationship, you’re going get triggered, period. And how you show up in those moments will define whether you grow together or grow apart. In this episode, we dive into an effective process for navigating upset when you’re triggered and how to rock it so you honor yourself and your partner.

SHOWNOTES:

What does it mean to be triggered? [1:50]
Are you normal if you get triggered by your partner? [3:40]
Better questions to ask when you’re triggered. [6:15]
What to do when you’re triggered [6:55]
The 4 step process for getting centered after a trigger [10:10]
The best way to share with your partner after you’ve calmed down [16:40]
Why you shouldn’t focus on getting them to change their behavior. [19:44]
Review [21:07]

[bctt tweet=”When you’re triggered by your partner, don’t distract yourself, sit in the fire of your experience. And see where it takes you.”]

HELPFUL LINKS:

The Truth About Monogamy, Divorce, And How To Build A Successful Marriage

Sharing Impact – Relationship Tool with Joshua Levin – SC 33

This week, I bring onto the podcast a long-time friend and relationship wizard Joshua Levin, to help me outline a potent relationship tool: sharing impact. Like many relationship tools, sharing impact is a simple, yet difficult tool to use in relationship. WTF is sharing impact and how can it help you dramatically decrease drama in your relationship? Find out by listening in. This is the first episode in a series on “relationship tools.” This is a new format I’m trying out, so make sure to leave your comments and feedback below. Does this serve you? Do you want more episodes like this? Let me know!

SHOWNOTES:

Why does Joshua care about relationships? [5:40]
Why do we need a tool like “sharing impact” in a long-term partnership? [9:00]
What is “sharing impact”? [11:10]
By contrast, what do many people do instead of sharing impact? [15:15]
Josh shares a personal example of sharing impact [21:05]
Jayson and Joshua trade impact back and forth [25:00]
What happens after we share impact? [28:00]
Josh encourages us to start with ______ [30:00]
The difference between expression and communication [35:00]

[bctt tweet=”If I let someone know how they are impacting me, it can be a beautiful, rare gift. – Josh Levin“]

HELPFUL LINKS:

Joshua’s Facebook

ABOUT:

Joshua Levin is a life-coach and psychotherapist who guides individuals and couples to greater connection, intimacy, freedom, and power.

He leads workshops and trainings in communication, conscious relationship, and Circling with his partner, Jess Nichol. He is also a Senior Course Leader at the Integral Center in Boulder, CO. You can say hello and learn more about him and his work via email at [email protected] and on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/joshualev .

10 Ways To Go From An Ordinary To An Extraordinary Relationship – With Bryan Franklin & Jennifer Russell – SC 32

In this lively episode, Bryan Franklin and Jennifer Russell lay bare the inner-workings of their extraordinary relationship. And it truly is extraordinary! Bryan and Jennifer share how they came together and worked to build their relationship from the ground up. We get into specifics and details that I think you will find extremely helpful and enlightening here. Bryan and Jennifer also tease us with a few of their “extraordinary-relationship principles”, the rock-solid foundations of their partnership. If you resonate with the idea of relationship designed to optimize the evolution of each individual, then you will love this episode. Make sure to leave a comment below and let us know your thoughts!

SHOWNOTES:

Bryan shares a vulnerable realization from his first marriage [4:30]
Jennifer shares her own early relationship struggles [8:00]
A powerful wedding vow [10:30]
Guys: don’t view your partners as “roadies” [12:15]

My identity is the thing that’s fluid in this relationship, but what’s fixed is what I committed to. – Jennifer

How does Jennifer define intimacy? [15:30]
A founding principle of an “extraordinary relationship” [20:30]
Another extraordinary-relationship principle in action [24:00]
What Brian and Jennifer do to better their future selves in relationship [31:00]
The process Bryan and Jennifer use when they are triggered in conflict [33:45]

I consider it my job as a woman to both see him as presently perfect and to surrender to the future version of myself that he sees…And he does the same. – Jennifer

The 3rd extraordinary-relationship principle – being called into your greatness [37:00]
Re-framing your partner’s complaints – “All of your fights are the source of your own _______” [44:00]
One last extraordinary-relationship principle – (it’s a good one) [47:00]

[bctt tweet=”I know that what has her upset is that she’s comparing how I’m being to who she knows I can be.“]

HELPFUL LINKS:

Carol Dweck and the Growth Mindset

Bryan’s Website

Jennifer’s Website

Bryan & Jennifer’s 10 Extraordinary Relationship Principles

ABOUT:

Together in life and in love Bryan and Jennifer, they work with couples to develop a deeper context for their relationship designed to lead both towards their own evolution. They are a stand for relationships that have a “both/and” rather than a “either/or” relationship to Freedom and Devotion. When they first came together they didn’t know how to do relationship right after after having each experienced the more typical patterns most of us call relating. Given their dedication to growth and desire to become extraordinary lovers, they decided deliberately to build what they call an evolutionary partnership, brick-by-brick developing powerful models and distinctions along the way.