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How Circling Can Deepen Your Relationships – Decker Cunov – SC 38

In this podcast, I interview Decker Cunov, a leader who has deeply impacted how I show up personally and professionally. For over 10 years, he’s been one of the pioneers in a fast-growing transformational practice known as “Circling.” As usual Decker packs a punch in his own funky style. Pay special attention to our dynamic near the end.

SHOWNOTES

Why does Decker care about relationships so much? [4:17]
What was it like growing up as a sensitive kid. [7:15]
What IS “circling”? [11:36]
How circling is and isn’t like meditation. [15:05]
Why does circling matter in relationships. [15:58]
A quick way to play “intersubjective tennis” with your partner. [31:34]
Decker breaks down the steps of circling. [23:35]
What’s it like to “feel another person” in circling. [29:32]
Some of the traps of circling. [33:15]
Decker starts circling Jayson [43:36]
Jayson’s big aha from circling [50:10]
What Decker’s son said that blew him away [52:33]
The one thing that Decker said that personally impacted Jayson [57:01]

HELPFUL LINKS

Sentence Stem To Practice With Your Partner
Partner A: “What I notice as I’m with you is…”
Partner B: “Hearing that, I’m noticing…”
(Repeat and alternate)

[bctt tweet=”Circling practice is not a replacement for meditation, but for a lot of people, it’s a great start. – Decker Cunov”]

PODCAST GUEST

Decker Cunov is President at Integral Center in Boulder, CO, a company committed to inspiring people towards more fulfilling relationships. He’s spent the last decade working successfully with everyone from soldiers to teenagers, from the clinically dysfunctional to doctors & lawyers, from a mechanic in Wisconsin to top level executives in Silicon Valley, helping them reach unprecedented levels of success in relationship in organic and profound ways. More info: The Integral Center

The Truth About Monogamy, Divorce, And How To Build A Successful Marriage

Alignment is the New Sexy – SC 11

People don’t trust you when you are misaligned. You say you’re “fine” but really you feel angry. Or you say “I love you” but your body language is saying something different. This causes people to pull back from you.

The more congruent someone is the more trustworthy they are.

We get really pissed when our partner is out of alignment. In fact, we even resent them over time. But that is often a reflection of our own misalignment.

In This episode you will learn:

Dealing with the ‘I’m Fine’ moment – Unlearning incongruency [1:33]
Alignment in your marriage and work [6:00]
Being ‘on the path’ to alignment [9:10]
Tool: Sharing the Impact of non-alignment [10:07]

ACTION STEP: If you have a close friend or your spouse who is misaligned, take a risk and share impact. I cover “how” in this episode. Wouldn’t you want someone to let you know if you were bullshitting yourself?