So you’re having an argument with someone you care about… now what do you do?
It’s one thing to be prepared for conflict but learning how to behave when the shit hits the fan is a different skill set to master. Good news is, no matter how complicated your conflict, there are only two things you need to remember to do when you’re in the heat of it.
In part two of this three-part series on conflict, Jayson breaks down the listening and speaking skills you need when you’re heated. You’ll also learn about the three types of fights so you can get a clearer picture of WHY you’re arguing in the first place.
Here are a few of the highlights:
SHOWNOTES
-
-
- Embracing Conflict Weekend Info [1:00]
- Two Things To Do During Your Next Fight [2:00]
- The Three Types Of Fights [8:00]
-
HELPFUL LINKS
- Relationship School Event: “Feel Accepted and Connected”
- Sharing Impact – Relationship Tool with Joshua Levin – SC 33
- Smart Couple Facebook Group
- Roots Community
- Get the Smart Couple Quote Book
- The Relationship School®
- Facebook – Jayson Gaddis Fan Page
- How to Leave A Podcast Review
The Relationship School’s® Weekend Intensive
In Boulder Colorado! November 7-9, 2019
– Feel Accepted and Connected –
Most of us never received an education about what it takes to make a mature romantic relationship work, especially how to effectively navigate conflict to feel closer rather than erode trust and intimacy. Join us for 2 days you can’t afford to miss if you want to go to the next level in your intimate partnerships.
Midway listening: impact statement. When I share impact, somehow my love takes it as criticism/blame. How to convey what I’m feeling without him hearing it as ‘it’s all your fault’. When I’m saying : “love, when you run out, I’m feeling triggered, abandoned and unsafe”
hi Gwen, thanks for sharing your experience. My name is Meg, I’m the podcast manager, so definitely not answering as Jayson but wanted to share a few tips I’ve learned that maybe will help you out. I wondering if a slight tweak to address what you see/hear (like what a photograph or movie could capture on film) may help, for example: “Love, when I see you leave the room, the departure feels abandoning and unsafe to me” deeply emphasizing your experience.
Or even address his judgement/criticism/blame: “I need to tell you what how I’m impacted, but I worry you’ll experience it as criticism and blame when in fact I’m trying to forge a deeper connection and share my need for a different outcome”.
You could also lead with feelings first, so that maybe he’ll be more invested in hearing why you feel this way… “I feel triggered, abandoned, and unsafe when you run out”…
Maybe ask if it is possible for reassurance from him before he takes the space he needs, ie he might say “I need space right now so I’m going for a walk, I’ll be home in twenty minutes, I Love you”.
This episode also might be a cool one for him to listen to: https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/if-your-partner-made-you-listen-to-this-podcast-sc-135/, maybe it’ll light the match on his own relationship-skill-building journey
I hope these suggestions help, and are better late than never (sorry for the delayed response). Thanks for listening, Gwen