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How To Communicate Your Need For Connection In A Relationship – Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder – 319

By Jayson
December 1, 2020

In the last podcast, we gave tips for all you space-takers on how to effectively communicate your need for space to your partner.

In this week’s podcast, my wife Ellen and I continue the discussion on attachment dynamics and give tips for all you ‘pursuers’.

If you are the pursuer in a relationship who always wants to connect with your partner, especially under stress and anxiety, we want to help you learn how to communicate your need for connection better so you don’t drive the other person further away.

Here are two important questions I ask all couples to think about:

Do we want the same kind of relationship? What do you really want out of the partnership?

Listen in as we answer these questions.


  • 1:45 Being there for yourself

  • 5:20 Understanding your partner’s position

  • 8:40 Letting your partner know that you care and want to understand them

  • 11:35 Don’t expect others to behave as you want them to

  • 13:20 You and your partner need to be a team

  • 18:25: Action Step

Useful Links:


  1. Abby

    This pertained to a friendship struggle I’m currently experiencing. Very helpful. Thank you!

  2. Alicia Rosa

    I have tried this method, but the lack of communication continues. I just asked for time, it’s going on two and 1/2 years of the same behavior. I just asked for space to figure out if I should stay. Or for him to realize if he is sure about us.

  3. Heidi Huffman

    This podcast about pursuing and distancing was very helpful. I have been in a long distance and then dating in person with an avoidant type man for 3 years. I am anxious and struggle with giving him space. Hearing this podcast helped me realize that if it can work it is going to take a lot. Maybe it can and maybe not. Thank you!


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