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The 4 Attachment Styles & Not Taking Things Personally – Diane Poole Heller – SC 204

By Jayson
July 12, 2018

Apple Podcast buttonGoogle Podcast button   A lot of things you take personally in relationship have very little to do with your partner. Those issues are really the result of YOUR past, YOUR triggers and YOUR perspective… That’s the opinion of Dr. Diane Poole Heller. She’s an author, long-time Boulder, Colorado therapist and expert in the field of Child and Adult Attachment Theory and Models, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques. Diane takes her clients mentally back in time to make peace with past threats that are holding them back. Her step-by-step process for cognitive time travel is more than just effective, it’s fascinating! Diane and Jayson are both dedicated to fostering secure attachment to change the world. Get ready to be inspired, find out about the secure attachment ripple effect, and join the relationship revolution!

Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES

      • How The Therapy Field Chose Diane [7:00]
      • Why The Attachment Model Is So Central To Diane’s Work [12:00]
      • The Kind Eyes Exercise [19:00]
      • The Four Attachment Styles [21:00]
      • Why Are You Complaining About Your Great Partnership? [32:00]
      • Starting A Relationship Revolution With Secure Attachment [41:00]
      • The Effects of A Disorganized Relationship Environment [46:00]
      • Diane’s Method For Repairing From A Damaging Relationship [52:00]
      • Don’t Sabotage Your Healthy Relationship Because Of Your Attachment Issues [1:01:00]
      • Why You Shouldn’t Try To Heal Trauma Alone [1:03:00]
      • Using Mental Time Travel (Autonoesis) For Healing [1:08:00]
      • Diane’s Take On Why People Experience Repeated Trauma [1:11:00]
      • Diane’s Gem Of Advice For Young Adults & Not Taking Things Personally [1:17:00]



Diane Poole Heller, Ph.D., is an established expert in the field of Child and Adult Attachment Theory and Models, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques. Diane developed her own signature series on Adult Attachment called DARe (Dynamic Attachment Re-patterning experience) also known as SATe (Somatic Attachment Training experience). Dr. Heller began her work with Dr. Peter Levine, founder of SETI (Somatic Experiencing® Trauma Institute) in 1989. As Senior Faculty for SETI, she taught Somatic Experiencing® trauma work internationally for over 25 years. As a dynamic speaker and teacher, Diane has been featured at prestigious international events and conferences. She is the author of numerous articles in the field. Her book “Crash Course” on auto accident trauma resolution is used worldwide as a resource for healing a variety of overwhelming life events. Her film, “Surviving Columbine,” produced with Cherokee Studios, aired on CNN and supported community healing in the aftermath of the school shootings. Sounds True recently published Dr. Heller’s audiobook: “Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Relationships” and her upcoming book, “The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships.” As developer of DARe and president of Trauma Solutions, a psychotherapy training organization, Dr. Heller supports the helping community through an array of specialized topics. She maintains a limited private practice in Louisville, Colorado.


  1. KF

    Thank you for this informative interview, but it is very difficult to hear your guest. Jayson, your voice is clear, and it seems that you have a microphone clipped to your shirt. Her voice is distant and difficult to hear. Better tech would make it easier to listen and take in this interview and the valuable content.

    • Tanya McAra

      Hi, thanks for this talk. I learnt alot. Please can you let me know how I can get hold of the article Diane wrote. I can’t see it in the show notes. Thank you.

      • meg@relationshipschool.com

        Hi Tanya, I haven’t heard this episode personally (it was recorded/published before my time at TRS) but I suggest getting in touch with Diane directly, she has an instagram account and I’m sure she could direct you. Apologies that I cannot be more helpful at this time, and if you do get it feel free to send us the link in reply and I will add it to the show notes. -Meg

    • meg@relationshipschool.com

      hi KF, thanks for sharing this feedback, we appreciate it. Jayson has actually met with Diane at least one more time, if not more, so maybe have a search for those episodes if you’re keen, she has a lot of valuable insights to share. Thanks again for listening =)



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