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What To Do When You Get Defensive – SC 159

By Jayson
September 18, 2017

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When my boyfriend gets triggered and shares his thoughts and feelings with me, how do I not take it personal and get defensive?
I feel like this creates a barrier between us when he is trying to reach out and I want to be with him in this moment. But I feel attacked even though I know he’s not attacking me – I can hear my shitty defensive tone of voice and feel my body language change. I also can’t get my thoughts clear enough to have a mature conversation with him, I’m all caught up in my own BS, it’s pathetic! How do I get past this and be present with him?
Kim – Fairfax VA


  • Question from Kim [1:00]
  • Zeroing in on what makes us defensive [3:00]
  • Working out what you need when you’re feeling defensive [5:00]
  • What to do when you’re too triggered to think clearly [7:00]



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