relationships Archives - Page 18 of 21 - The Relationship School®

Women: 3 Steps To Get Your Man To Show Up In The Relationship – Terry Real – SC 24

< This episode was a lot of fun. Terry Real brings the heat for women and men using what he calls “fierce intimacy.” While this episode is for both men and women, it is largely geared toward women who are with a guy who’s not fully on board. He has some great advice for women, while at the same time challenges men to develop their relationship skills. I know you’ll dig this one. SHOWNOTES:

Beginning of interview [4:30]
Terry shares how he came to be interested in relationship work [5:00]
What is “fierce intimacy”? [7:20]

[bctt tweet=”The way you keep a relationship real is to keep it dangerous. – Terry Real”]

The difference between a good man and a great man [12:30]
Advice for young millennial men [15:00]
What Terry says to women who are frustrated with their men [19:30]
A lot of men who wont do the work for themselves or for the marriage, will get it and rise to the occasion for the sake of… [23:00]

Speak softly, and carry a big stick. – Terry Real

3 key steps for women to work with their shutdown men (this is very good) [26:oo]

[bctt tweet=”It’s one thing to complain about what you’re not getting, it’s a lot more vulnerable to receive it. – Terry Real” via=”no”]

Should women reward their man’s effort with sex? [32:45]
The design flaw in the way most therapists do therapy [40:10]
Parting comments [50:15]

HELPFUL LINKS: Terry’s Books:

Terry’s Website Terry’s course: Love and Trauma A simple tip to get your man to come forward: jaysongaddis.com/helpmyman ABOUT: Terry Real, married for over 30 years! is an internationally recognized Family Therapist, Speaker and Author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology. A family therapist and teacher for more than twenty five years, Terry is the best-selling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner, 1997), the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner, 2002), and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work (Random House). Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy — and greater personal fulfillment. Dude’s got a very long bio, you can read more here.

Finding Flow In Your Marriage – Jamie Wheal – SC 23

If you’ve ever skied, surfed, or gone outdoor climbing, there’s a good chance you’ve experienced that elusive peak state of awareness referred to as “flow”. Time slows, thoughts disappear, your sense of self seems to merge with the present moment, and everything just…flows! The flow state brings high levels of creativity, learning and connection…all things that we want in our relationships. In this episode, I bring on flow expert Jamie Wheal to dig into an important question: How can we bring this peak state into our long-term partnerships? We also hear deeply personal, wisdom-packed stories from Jamie on the evolution of his partnership. You’re going to enjoy this one.

SHOWNOTES:

Start of interview [0:40]
What is the Flow Genome Project? [1:30]
What’s the distinction between dopamine rushes, drug highs, and “flow”? [3:50]

There are 3 key components of Flow: 1. Rich Environments, 2. Deep Embodiment, 3. High Consequence

Is there a bridge between peak flow states and monogamous relationships? [7:20]

The same hits and rushes I get from haring down a mountain side on skis, or paddling into a big wave, those things are actually — strangely, fascinatingly, wonderfully — reproducible in intimacy with your partner. What that then allows us, is the ability to make love with one another. – Jamie

What happens when sex is made into a dedicated practice, similar to exercise or flossing? [12:50]
“Erotic Tonglen” [16:50]
Shares from Jamie’s personal life [22:50]

If this is our container, then we better damn make it a crucible. And let’s turn up the heat. And any sexual, relational, erotic, interpersonal, desire, drive, interest or inquiry, has to have a home inside our container, or it threatens the integrity of that container. – Jamie

What happened to the sexual chemistry when Jamie had kids? [28:05]
Is the bedroom a place of withholding or safety? [29:05]
The unconscious bargain that Jamie started his marriage with, and had to drop to save the relationship [31:20]
What Jamie learned about his relationship at Burning Man [33:00]
False notions about enlightenment and soulmates [40:30]
Parting Words from Jamie [43:40]

[bctt tweet=”Be kind. And give love away, because you can always make more. – Jamie Wheal”]

HELPFUL LINKS:

For more edgy conversations, head to Cock Talk

Ten Agreements to secure a long term relationship

The Rise of Superman by Steven Kotler

The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck – “Love is a verb, not an emotion”

Orgasmic Meditation

The Flow Genome Project – Website, Facebook Page

ABOUT:

Jamie Wheal, Executive Director of Flow Genome Project, is a leading expert on the neuro-somatics of ultimate human performance. His work ranges from Fortune 500 companies, leading business schools, Young Presidents’ Organization (YPO), to Red Bull and its stable of world-class athletes. He combines a background in expeditionary leadership, wilderness medicine and surf rescue, with over a decade advising high-growth companies on strategy, execution and leadership. He is a sought-after speaker, presenting to diverse and high-performing communities such as YPO, Summit Series, Mai Tai Global, TEDx, and the Advertising Research Foundation.

At the Flow Genome Project, he leads a team of the world’s top scientists, athletes and artists dedicated to reverse-engineering the genome of the peak-performance state known as Flow.

Cock Talk – 4 Men Getting Really Honest – SC 22

In this episode, I’m joined by a panel of courageous men: Booster Blake, Jeffrey Platts, Adrial Dale, and Christopher Sunyata. These men have all done work on themselves, and so are able to get honest and talk openly about their sexuality, their victories and challenges with intimacy, with relationship, and with their bodies in the bedroom. I think you’ll appreciate the transparency of these men.

SHOWNOTES:

Beginning of interview [6:45]
Adrial introduces himself [6:50]
Jeffrey introduces himself [7:35]
Booster Blake introduces himself [8:45]
Christopher introduces himself [10:10]
The men briefly describe their relationships to their cock [13:00]
When did you first learn to masturbate, and what was it like? [17:30]
Did you ever have a sexual experience with a boy? [24:00]
If you played with other boys when you were young, did you ever have any doubts that you were gay because you enjoyed it? [27:05]
How has porn negatively or positively affected your sex life? [29:45]

You don’t get your time back. So the time I was spending investing in these pixels, these women on a screen, I could have been investing in actual relationships. — Jeffrey

Where do these men draw the line when it comes to fantasizing about other women? [37:30]
What’s a victory, or celebratory moment, you’ve had with your cock? [42:00]
What are your thoughts on working to transcend pornography? [48:00]
A listening woman asks: What is the best segue to bring up sexual topics when there is shame around the topic? [52:45]

It’s so ironic…whenever shame comes up, it’s an opportunity for much deeper intimacy. – Adrial

What kind of shame have men experienced that have been put on their cocks or their sexuality by women? [58:30]
If the woman asks for something different in the bedroom, does a man take this personally and feel like he is not a good enough lover? [1:05:30]
Final comments [1:12:45]

HELPFUL LINKS:

Cock Talk Sign-Up

Cock Talk Episode – With David Cates

ABOUT:

Christopher:

Vast physical pleasure, deep love, and even union with divine source can be experienced through sex. Sexual energy is the source of all life in this world. Christopher Sunyata teaches people how to embrace their sexual power and artfully conduct it through their body and intimate relationships, integrating this power into their whole life. Drawing upon decades of practice and study under masters of sexual yoga, Taoist exercises, and Buddhist meditation, he teaches ancient body-centered practices without dogma or esoteric language, leading people to discover the secret wisdom already present within their own body. By learning to trust this wisdom within their body, people can reclaim passion and life energy that is their birthright, and create intimate relationships that deepen in love and chemistry over the years.

Prior to teaching he was a successful international project manager responsible for over a billion dollars in revenue, a medical device engineer with seven patents, and a ceramic artist. He has raised four children, two of his own, including one who has significant disabilities. He lives in Boulder, Colorado with his beloved wife Karlene.

http://christophersunyata.com/

Jeffrey:

Jeffrey Platts is a love & life coach for men. With over 20 years of personal study and transformational training, his superpower is helping men clear out the “noise” so they can choose and create an amazing life that they maybe didn’t even know was on the menu. There is no secret “code” or “formula” to hack, only three necessary ingredients: awareness, choice and action. He brings a rich toolbox of insights and experiences, integrating his adventures as a DJ, amateur stand-up comedian, salsa dancer, yoga teacher and world traveler.

Jeffrey Platts website

Booster Blake:

Blake is a transformational life coach helping people align their lives with their authentic desires. He works with couples, men, and women in areas of non-violent communication, sexual empowerment, conscious parenting, and personal transformation. His success with clients emerges from a foundation of loving presence and no bullshit reflection. He can be reached on Facebook at Booster Blake or by email at [email protected]

Adrial:

Here’s the deal: I LOVE supporting people in dropping anything that doesn’t make them feel totally and fully ALIVE in the world. It’s all of our birthrights to fully live. So whether you’re 1) struggling with intimacy, sexuality or shame from having an STD (I’m a resiliency coach) or 2) a struggling business owner and want to build an audience and an awesome online presence (I’m a community leader/graphic designer/marketer/visionary) or 3) wanting to unleash your aliveness through meditative movement and dance (I’m a movement flow junkie and co-creator of SlowFlow dance), then I got news for you: We need to talk…Like, Now. Love, Adrial.

3 Types Of Fights – SC 21

Most of the time, when we fight with a partner, we “bicker” or go in circles because we are missing what the fight is really about. In this episode we examine the 3 things people fight about most. It will be essential to listen to this so you know what the deeper layer of your fights are really about. Why does this matter? So you can get to the real issue and resolve it.

SHOWNOTES:

The 3 types of fights [6:40]
Type 1: Security fight – “I don’t feel safe” [7:40]
Type 2: Past resentments – Stuff you’ve never dealt with. [11:00]
Type 3: Dealing with small, everyday stuff [14:00]

[bctt tweet=”We can literally rewire our brains through relationship.”]

Fight, Flight, Freeze – The 3 styles of dealing with conflict [24:40]

ACTION STEP:

Next time you’re fighting with your partner, remember to ask yourselves: “What are we really fighting about?”

How to clear resentments

Conflict Scorecard

Conflict Is Good News – Diane Musho Hamilton – SC 20

I really enjoyed this conversation with Zen teacher Diane Hamilton. She brings such a genuine willingness to move toward what’s uncomfortable in our relationships. We explore why she left the mormon church and how she got into zen practice. We also take a good look at parenting, marriage, and why it’s so paramount to be able to take our partner’s point of view. I know you’ll appreciate this dialogue.

SHOWNOTES:

A special guest kicks off the podcast [0:10]
Beginning of the interview [5:20]
Diane shares the arc of her life up to this point [6:00]
Diane’s “genius zone”: Meditation and Mediation [10:00]

I don’t want peace at the sake of low energy, nor do I want high energy at the sake of harmony. Those qualities both matter. – Diane Musho Hamilton

Skill with conflict = comfort with difference [16:00]

A couple that can take each other’s perspectives, as well as perspectives from their children or perspectives from the outside, generally points to a couple that has more flexibility and more range in their relationship. – Diane Musho Hamilton

Diane shares about the relationship dynamic with her husband [19:30]
Diane defines conflict: “Extreme difference that is fueled by emotion, and is very disruptive to the system” [21:00]
Why is conflict “good news”? [22:10]
The 3 styles of conflict [24:15]
- Avoidance
- Accommodation
- Aggression
How Diane uses meditation to work with conflict [29:00]
Diane demos mindfulness meditation [32:50]

[bctt tweet=”If you can’t sit with yourself, then you can’t really sit with anyone else – Diane Musho Hamilton “]

The yogic practice of hearing perspectives we don’t agree with [39:00]
Bringing Zen and Integral into conflict [45:40]

[bctt tweet=”The more developed a person is, the more perspectives they can take. – Diane Musho Hamilton”]

HELPFUL LINKS:

Dumb Fights

My upcoming Conflict Webinar

Diane’s Website

Diane’s Book: Everything Is Workable

ABOUT:

Diane Musho Hamilton is an exceptionally gifted mediator, group facilitator, and one of the authentic contemporary spiritual teachers of our time.

Combining decades of innovation in conflict resolution with an enthusiasm for life, she knows how to address the challenges of our modern experience with an uncommon spiritual perspective.

With extraordinary warmth, depth and insight, she encourages us to consciously evolve beyond old and limited ideas of who we are so that we might discover our own unique expression of wisdom and of compassion in this time.

3 Steps To End Relationship Drama – SC 19

In this episode I unpack 3 really important steps to removing the drama from your relationships. Drama can be a time suck, an energy drain, and can hurt your relationship even more. So, check this short episode out and notice if you are perpetuating drama, or doing your best to end it.

SHOWNOTES: