Jayson, Author at The Relationship School®

Zen Parenting With Cathy & Todd – SC 172

Struggling to assume the “parent role”? Wondering why ALWAYS putting your family first isn’t working? Check out what this smart couple has to say.

Cathy and Todd Adams of the Zen Parenting Podcast shared their tips for building respectful, high-functioning relationships with family members. And surprise, they say you don’t even have to change yourself, just be yourself.

Turns out being real and just hanging out with the people you love may be the secret to the relationship joy you seek.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

- - What is Zen Parenting Radio? [5:00]
  - Todd & Cathy’s story [8:00]
  - Cathy’s post-pregnancy identity crisis [12:00]
  - You can’t make your partner like what you like [15:00]
  - Todd’s wake up call [17:00]
  - When “husband’ is a loaded term [31:00]
  - The ugly side of “Happy wife, happy life” [33:00]
  - Getting out of your kids way [36:00]
  - Drop the parent “role” and be a role model [39:00]
  - Keep your parenting baggage to yourself [44:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

~Cathy is a self-awareness expert, podcast host, & author focused on parenting and the personal empowerment of women and young girls. She’s a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Parent Coach, Certified Elementary School Teacher, Certified Yoga Teacher, and she teaches in the Sociology Department at Dominican University and Elmhurst College.
~Todd is the co-host of the Zen Parenting Radio podcast and a certified life coach who focuses on supporting guys in finding a healthy work/family balance. He focuses on marriage, parenting, career, overall self-awareness and life enjoyment.

3 Questions To Get To The Bottom of A Hurtful Relationship Pattern

Ever wondered why something as simple as your partner’s tone of voice can send you into a tailspin? How something seemingly small feel like an inferno inside, sending you off the charts? Do you judge yourself for this? Or justify your reaction?

What (the hell) is going on here?!

Most likely it has to do with safety. How safe or unsafe you feel in a certain situation – and how you perceive threat in your relationship.

The nervous system has a way of constantly assessing your level of safety that’s happening all the time.

Because a situation felt scary to you when you were young – or because you actually experienced a real fear or life-threatening situation – you may react as if it’s a actually happening again. Your partner triggers you, and you behave like your 5-year-old self did then.

Sometimes all it takes is a gesture, or a look, and our system gets tripped, just like a switch going off, instantly.

Yikes!

When we feel threatened, we go into survival mode.

Our brain shuts off, reasoning goes offline, and we react instead of thinking.

If not addressed, these patterns can deteriorate safety and connection in your relationship over time.

So what do we do?

Relationship expert and psychotherapist Terri Cole lays down 3 questions to help you get to the bottom of the relationship pattern:

According to Terri, we need to ask ourselves:

Who does this person remind me of?
Where have I felt like this before?
Why is this behavioral dynamic familiar to me?

And then see if you can get clear about what’s really going on. Why are you so upset? Or scared? Why is this such a big deal?

Recognize that you are feeling threatened and remember that the person in front of you is not mom or dad or whoever the scary person was back then.

When you’re ready, share what you’ve discovered with your partner.

Owning and understanding our reactions gets us resourced and better able to deal with the real time, real life issues that show up.

Breaking down a hurtful relationship pattern opens the door to building your way back into safety and connection!

Porn Vs Having Sex With A Real Person – Gary Wilson – SC 171

Why do so many men use porn? What is it doing for them?

I think it’s obvious that porn can ruin your relationship, but what’s not so obvious is why so many men use porn. What is going on inside the male brain.

I have my own theories but I wanted to hear from THE porn expert on this…

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

- - About Gary [5:00]
  - The link between chronic erectile dysfunction and porn use [11:00]
  - How do you know when porn use is a problem? [13:00]
  - Can people use porn in a healthy way? [16:00]
  - Why are people using porn? [19:00]
  - How many women are watching porn? [23:00]
  - Religion and porn [22:00]
  - When men use porn for ‘stress relief’ [27:00]
  - How internet porn is shaping our sexuality [36:00]
  - How to heal porn addiction through relationship [48:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Gary Wilson is presenter of the popular TEDx talk ‘The Great Porn Experiment,’ which has been viewed more than 9 million times, and translated into 18 languages. He is also the author of a popular book, Your Brain On Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction. He hosts the website ‘Your Brain On Porn’, which was created for those seeking to understand and reverse compulsive porn use: http://yourbrainonporn.com. He taught anatomy and physiology for years and has long been interested in the neurochemistry of addiction, mating and bonding. In 2015 the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health presented Wilson with its Media Award for outstanding media contributions and public education on pornography addiction. In 2016, Wilson coauthored an academic paper with 7 US Navy doctors entitled, “Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review with Clinical Reports” and another journal article entitled, “Eliminate Chronic Internet Pornography Use to Reveal Its Effects.” He donates his share of the proceeds from his book to a registered charity that is endeavoring to raise awareness about internet porn’s unprecedented effects.

Overcoming The ‘Nice Guy’ Syndrome – Robert Glover – SC 170

I used to try really hard to get people to think I was a good guy. This is another version of the “nice guy syndrome.”

And, it had a big cost.

If you are a nice guy, or you are with a “nice guy” you’re going to want to listen to this one because it’s quite possible the “nice guy” thing is going to really damage your relationship over time (If it hasn’t already).

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

- - About Robert [6:00]
  - How does someone become a Nice Guy? [11:00]
  - Robert’s definition of a Nice Guy [12:00]
  - The paradox of Nice Guy Syndrome [13:00]
  - The cultural belief that ‘masculine is bad’ [25:00]
  - The trap of disowning the masculine [28:00]
  - Tips for increasing self-worth [34:00]
  - How to stop people-pleasing [36:00]
  - How to meet your own needs [42:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Dr. Robert Glover is the author of the bestselling book, No More

Mr. Nice Guy. His website drglover.com features numerous online

self-help courses, workshops, podcasts, groups, and trained

coaches and therapists. Dr. Glover lives in Puerto Vallarta,

Mexico.

Dan Savage Vs Jayson Gaddis on Monogamy – SC 169

Dan Savage is known for his criticism of monogamy. But what is he missing and why does he think it’s a disaster waiting to happen? Listen as Jayson takes a swing in Dan’s direction.