Podcast Archives - Page 63 of 85 - The Relationship School®

How to Re-Parent a Triggered Partner – SC 137

Dealing with a partner who is triggered can be difficult – especially if they respond negatively to your help.

Maybe you’ve been here before: your partner is upset about something, you do your best to give them some encouraging words or to calm them down, but no matter what you do, your partner’s gets more and more upset (or worse… now upset with you for trying to help).

If you’ve ever been in this situation before and want to know how to prevent it, this episode is for you.

QUESTION:
How do we re-parent our partner, and meet them in regressive child-like states when they are triggered without infantilizing them? I find when I go into nurturing mode when my partner is triggered, he often responds with aggression, I think in part because it feels emasculating or patronizing, or possibly because he doesn’t feel lovable in those moments.
– Caitlin

SHOWNOTES

Caitlin’s question [4:00]
Why do men get triggered when you try to help them? [5:00]
How to take care of your man without him feeling emasculated [6:00]
Learning how to help each other when you’re triggered [7:00]
What to do when your partner responds to your support with aggression [10:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

Why Self Awareness & Digging Into Your Past Helps You Get A Great Relationship – Alexandra Solomon – SC 136

A major shift is happening with the way we educate young adults about relationships and sex. Despite what we hear in the media about the ‘hookup culture,’ the majority of young adults are very interested in learning about relationships and long-term partnerships.

Alexandra Solomon is paving the way in the academic world, educating both students and adults in the all-important long-term relationship game. If you’re a parent or a teacher, this is a great episode to listen to. You’ll get a sense of what the important topics, conversations and areas that young adults are wanting to know about when it comes to relationships.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

Alexandra’s story [3:00]
Exploring the lessons you learned in childhood [13:00]
How to talk to students about sex and relationships [18:00]
Teaching young adults to shift from ‘performance-based’ sex to connection-based sex [20:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Dr. Alexandra Solomon is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University and a clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University. In addition to writing articles and chapters for leading academic journals and books in the field of marriage and family, she is the author of the book Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want (New Harbinger, 2017). Dr. Solomon maintains a psychotherapy practice for individual adults and couples at The Family Institute at Northwestern University’s Northbrook location. In addition to teaching and training marriage and family therapy graduate students, Dr. Solomon teaches the internationally renowned undergraduate course, “Building Loving and Lasting Relationships: Marriage 101.” Dr. Solomon is a frequent speaker and media commentator on relationship topics and you can visit her online at dralexandrasolomon.com.

If Your Partner Made You Listen To This Podcast – SC 135

Do you have a friend or partner telling you to listen to this podcast? Don’t know where to start and feel pressured to get ‘up to speed’? This episode is for you.

SHOWNOTES

Should you listen to this podcast? [1:00]
Why you SHOULD be skeptical [2:00]
How to show your partner that you care about the relationship in your own way [5:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

Ayahuasca, Trauma, & Relationships – Dr Gabor Maté – SC 134

There’s been a surge in alternative, traditional methods to healing our deepest wounds. One of the main approaches that has gained popularity here in America is the use of the traditional South American brew, Ayahuasca, in guided ceremonies.

Dr Gabor Maté, renowned addiction expert, and writer, is back for a second conversation to discuss the benefits & cautions to using Ayahuasca. In this conversation, we also discuss many natural (non-medicinal) methods to healing trauma through the power of present-moment awareness practices, safe relationships and creating space for healing.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

Where Western medicine succeeds & fails [11:00]
What traditional rituals can teach us about healing [13:00]
How Ayahuasca works and why it’s used [16:00]
Finding the roots of our trauma [29:00]
Dealing with trauma using present-moment awareness [32:00]
Why we need to create space in our lives for healing and rest [38:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

A renowned speaker, and bestselling author, Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development. Rather than offering quick-fix solutions to these complex issues, Dr. Maté weaves together scientific research, case histories, and his own insights and experience to present a broad perspective that enlightens and empowers people to promote their own healing and that of those around them.

For twelve years Dr. Maté worked in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside with patients challenged by hard-core drug addiction, mental illness and HIV, including at Vancouver’s Supervised Injection Site. With over 20 years of family practice and palliative care experience and extensive knowledge of the latest findings of leading-edge research, Dr. Maté is a sought-after speaker and teacher, regularly addressing health professionals, educators, and lay audiences throughout North America and internationally.

As an author, Dr. Maté has written several bestselling books including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction; When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress (published in the United States as When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection); and Scattered Minds: A New Look at the Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder (published in the United States as Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What you Can Do About It), and co-authored Hold on to Your Kids. His works have been published internationally in twenty languages.

Dr. Maté is the co-founder of Compassion for Addiction, a new non-profit that focuses on addiction. He is also an advisor of Drugs over Dinner. Dr. Maté has received the Hubert Evans Prize for Literary Non-Fiction; an Honorary Degree (Law) from the University of Northern British Columbia; an Outstanding Alumnus Award from Simon Fraser University; the 2012 Martin Luther King Humanitarian Award from Mothers Against Teen Violence; and the 2012 AccolAIDS award for Health Promotion and Harm Reduction, Positive Living Society of B.C.. He is an adjunct professor in the Faculty of Criminology, Simon Fraser University.

Asking For What You Need Without Making Threats – SC 133

How often do you find yourself wanting to ask for something in your relationship – more communication, more time & attention, more touch – only to find yourself holding back out of fear?
Expressing (or confessing) our needs can feel scary and edgy. If it’s a ‘non-negotiable need’ it’s easy to feel like you’re threatening the relationship with an ultimatum: “I need this or I’m out”.

So do you hold back, hoping your partner will come around on their own (and getting more resentful when they don’t)? Or do you bring your needs to the table and cross your fingers, hoping it all goes well?

This episode will teach you how to get your needs met, without feeling you’re making a threat to the relationship.

QUESTION
You speak of stating and sticking by your Non-Negotiable Needs, but you also say to never threaten to walk away from the relationship. So how do you stick up for yourself and your NNN’s without the threat of walking away hanging around in the background — isn’t it implied that you’ll be leaving if your NNN’s aren’t met? I am missing how to do this properly. -Jessica

SHOWNOTES

Does having needs make you ‘needy’? [1:00]
Communicating your needs to your partner in a non-threatening way [3:00]
When your needs aren’t compatible with your partner’s [6:00]
Getting your needs met without threatening the relationship [7:00]
When you have a need for more communication and connection than he can give you [8:00]
Your action step [9:30]

HELPFUL LINKS

70% of Teens Want More Guidance About Romantic Relationships – Richard Weissbourd – SC 132

Finally about the real research that backs up the mission of The Relationship School®. Not only are teens NOT being educated about romantic relationships, but 70% of teens and young adults are WANTING more help and guidance around their love relationships. This is outstanding news because it’s been a major void. In this episode, I speak with lead researcher Richard Weissbourd about his 5-year study with over 3000 teens and young adults on romantic relationships. If you are a parent, or want to be one, this is a must listen.

SHOWNOTES

How love evolves over the course of a relationship (and why that’s a good thing) [9:00]
Why relationships aren’t being taught in school [14:00]
The truth about teen hookup culture [20:00]
Learning to talk about relationships and sex with our kids [23:00]
Why it’s important to challenge misconceptions about romantic love [25:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Richard Weissbourd, faculty director of MCC, is a psychologist and lecturer at Harvard. He teaches at both the Harvard Graduate School of Education, where he directs the Human Development and Psychology Program, and at the Harvard Kennedy School. His current work focuses on children’s moral and ethical development, how parents can raise more caring children, and how adults can mentor teenagers and young adults to develop ethical and mature romantic relationships. He has written for numerous scholarly and popular publications and blogs, including The New York Times, The Huffington Post, CNN, The New Republic, NPR and Psychology Today. Read more here.