A Personal Story Of Overcoming Mental Illness – Keith Kurlander – 331

This week, a very close friend Keith Kurlander joins me in a very inspiring discussion on mental health and overcoming mental illness. 

His story is beyond incredible. Seriously. I’ve actually never met anyone that has overcome mental illness so successfully. 

Keith is a true warrior. And, he’s a solid guide for others too. If you or someone you know struggles with mental health issues, this podcast is a must-listen.

What is mental health?

Mental health affects everyone. Similar to our physical health, we all have mental health. Mental health is the foundation that describes our overall psychological and emotional well-being. The influence of our life experiences impacts our mental wellness and emotional health and creates our mental health. 

Therefore, mental health is based on an individual’s state of well-being in which they realize their potential by having the ability to cope with the daily stresses of life while being productive and maintaining healthy relationships. 

What is mental illness?

Mental illness is when a person has been medically diagnosed with a mental health issue. When a person experiences significant changes in their thinking, emotions, and behavior that impacts their everyday life with functioning at work, school, and social settings, this is considered a mental illness.

For instance, a common mental illness is depression. When a person suffers from depression, they may withdraw from socializing with their friends and family. They might have problems at work and lose interest in their hobbies. 

Since depression is the most common mental illness affecting men and women of all ages in the United States, many people seek integrative approaches to mental health and depression. 

What’s the difference between mental health and mental illness? 

Mental health and mental illness are connected, but they are two separate things.  

Mental illness is when someone experiences significant disruptions in their lives and it affects their emotions, behavior, and thought process. Usually, a person has been diagnosed with a mental illness by a medical practitioner such as a psychiatrist or psychologist and is undergoing therapy. 

On the other hand, mental health refers to our general mental well-being and includes our level of contentment and joy in our relationships, our self-esteem, and how well we cope with life’s challenges and stressful events.

The main difference is that mental health changes are based on an individual’s life experience. While mental illness describes a specific mood, anxiety, or psychotic disorder such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder that affects a person’s ability to function properly in everyday settings. 

Three things you can do to improve your mental health

When it comes to maintaining our mental health, self-care is important to practice. Here are three things you can do now to improve your mental health. 

Start a journal 

I suggest starting a journal and when you are feeling overwhelmed write down what is triggering your stress. Read it after a few days or a week and see if you feel the same. Many people find writing down their thoughts or what they are grateful for improves their mood. 

Get enough sleep

Getting at least 8 hours of sleep energizes your brain cells and repairs your hearts and blood vessels. There’s nothing better than getting a good night’s rest when you know it optimizes your health. 

Maintain a well-balanced diet 

Maintaining a well-balanced diet with nutritious food is something easy you can do to improve your mental health. For example, salmon, berries, and whole grains have antioxidants and minerals that release endorphins in your brain and decrease stress, anxiety, and depression.

If you want to learn even more about relationships go to http://relationshipschool.com/training. 

 

When Your Partner Doesn’t Need Anything – Jayson Gaddis and Ellen Boeder – 330

In this week’s podcast, my wife Ellen and I answer a common question: What do we do with this person who is saying they don’t need anything? We posted a short video on this, and it received so many comments we thought we’d elaborate. 

We talked about attachment styles in previous podcasts on distancer/pursuer dynamics. This subject is very similar. We want to unpack this dynamic to see what’s going on and give you some communication tips. 

You might be that person who doesn’t need anything. Or you’re the one who has a lot to talk about in the relationship. This podcast can help both of you communicate better when it comes to expressing your needs in your relationship. 

Independent partners: how does it happen?  

What is going on when you’re with someone who claims they do not need anything? They might say to you, “I don’t need anything, I’m fine.” Or it’s the way they behave that gives an impression they don’t need anything in the relationship. Why is your partner this way? 

It can be related to the way your partner was raised. Maybe their family dynamic encouraged your partner to do things without any help. Did your partner grow up reaching out to their family for support? Or did they keep things to themselves and try to figure out things on their own? Were their parents interested to know what was happening in your partner’s inner world?

Depending on their answers, anyone would adapt to a family culture that stressed independence and grows up to be someone independent. With a partner who doesn’t need anything, they probably had to not need anything as a child. 

What should you do when your partner says they don’t need anything in a relationship? 

Perhaps your partner is an independent person. Before you got together in a relationship, they functioned very well on their own. In general, they don’t need a lot from people. 

What do we do with this person who is saying they don’t need anything? First, you need to understand your partner a little bit better. You need to understand when your partner says they don’t need anything, it doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t care about you or your feelings. That’s rarely the case. 

By understanding the way they were brought up, who they are, how they are built, and move through the world, both of you can navigate your needs in the relationship. 

If this is something that’s bothering you in your relationship and you want to address it, approach your partner with a deeper understanding and have a conversation about it. 

For instance, you can start the conversation with, “It seems like you don’t need anything and you say you’re fine. Well, we’re in a relationship. I’m curious because you’re with me, you chose to be with me as your partner. Could we make the argument that you do need some stuff? And what are those things you need from me? Otherwise, why are we together?” 

Or you could say something like, “What I would love here is to make a request. I would really like to know how you would like our relationship to go? What do you think about that?” Another approach is, “We’re really different. But what’s something we can both get what we want from our relationship?”  

The goal of having this conversation is for both of you to find your way together and fulfill each other’s needs even when one partner says they don’t need anything. 

If you want to learn more about relationships go to http://relationshipschool.com/training.

 

Training To Be A Relationship Coach – Jayson Gaddis and RCT Students – 329

Are you a natural helper? Do people easily open up to you about things going on in their relationship? If you’re a good listener and love to help others, have you thought about becoming a relationship coach? 

In this podcast, a group of seven Relationship Coach Training (RCT) students joins me in an interesting discussion on their journeys on becoming a relationship coach. 

They talk about the key takeaways from the course, the things they learned about themselves, and how the RCT course has improved their relationships and parenting. 

What is a relationship coach?  

In general, a relationship coach is someone who assists people in resolving conflicts in relationships and marriage. 

A relationship coach’s main goal is to help clients build stronger relational bonds and improve interpersonal skills and intimacy in their relationships or marriage.  

A relationship coach can work with a single patient’s inner conflicts by making them develop an awareness of their relationship shortcomings, identify their non-negotiable needs, and apply those discoveries in their current or future relationships.  

A relationship coach can also work with couples to guide them through sessions where they can communicate their conflicts in a neutral setting. The relationship coach acts as a ‘mediator’ who walks them through their conflict and comes up with fair solutions that both parties agree to work on as a couple.  

Does being a relationship coach sound like you? If you’re thinking about pursuing a new career as a relationship coach, our RCT program is based on my theory on present-centered relationship coaching. 

What is present-centered relationship coaching? 

In 2019, I created present centered relationship coaching after training relationship coaches with my methodology since 2005. Present centered relationship coaching is based on my Gestalt Therapy Training and Vajrayana Buddhism. 

Present centered relationship coaching (PCRC) is an approach that helps people integrate and be truthful to themselves in connection to their intimate relationships in the present time. 

My present centered relationship coaching course is structured with Twelve Principles and five Core Objectives. 

Here are five objectives that our relationship coaches apply “behind the scenes” when coaching clients:  

Presence. Present centered relationship coaching is based on the theory that healing occurs in the present time and coaches work with clients on their current issues. 

Attunement & Tracking. Clients want to be attuned with their partner, but they do not know how to do it. Our coaches step in and help them by showing clients what attunement looks like. 

Client Self-Knowledge. Our relationship coaches help clients get to know themselves better and encourage self-growth and development.  

Coach Self-Knowledge. Relationship coaches not only encourage self-growth in their clients, but they commit to actively learning about themselves and work through “coach entanglement” challenges so they can better help their clients. 

Integration. Integration means clients learn and integrate the new knowledge into their lives, yet we also encourage them to be their own person, while being connected to someone.

How do you become a relationship coach? 

Now that you know what present centered relationship coaching is all about, how do you become a relationship coach? 

First off,  before you become a relationship coach, along with being a good listener and have the willingness to help others, you should be committed to building relationships with your clients. Here are some interpersonal communication tips you should follow:

• Understand the client’s situation or perspective 
• Truly listen and ask questions to learn more about the client 
• Share your perspective on their situation 
• Leverage commonalities you have with clients
• Always have an open communication policy with clients 

If you want to learn even more about relationships go to http://relationshipschool.com

 

Healing Trauma With Peter Levine – Peter Levine – 328

How do you deal with past traumas that get triggered in your daily life? Are you unsure why certain interactions in your current relationship get you so upset? 

In this podcast, trauma legend Dr. Peter Levine joins me in a discussion where we dive deep into how his somatic experiencing (SE) method helps with the healing of trauma and other physiological and stress disorders.

If you are a therapist or coach, Dr. Peter Levine gives valuable advice on how to be present in ourselves before we work with clients.  

What is somatic experiencing?  

Somatic experiencing is a body-oriented and neurobiological approach developed by Dr. Peter Levine that addresses the effects of trauma. 

According to Dr. Peter Levine, “Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence.” Now that we know that everyone has experienced trauma at one point in our lives, you do not have to suffer forever. 

The goal of somatic experiencing is to help you get out of that dark place when you feel “stuck” in processing past traumatic experiences. 

So, whenever you get triggered by past trauma it sends shock waves, flashbacks, or tension throughout your nervous system and somatic experiencing helps you become aware of all these bodily sensations and work through them, instead of reacting negatively in a state of fear or panic.  

What does somatic experiencing treat? 

Somatic experiencing treats the connection between the mind and bodily sensations by  addressing the following mental health issues and emotional responses that cause physical and psychological triggers:

• Anxiety
• Anger
• Depression
• Grief
• Guilt
• PTSD
• Shame
• Stress
• Trauma 

The idea behind the somatic experiencing method is that healing traumatic experiences can also heal emotional distress and physical symptoms brought on by trauma. 

Here is a scenario. A veteran who served in the war comes back home and suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Whenever he gets flashbacks or nightmares about a particular event that traumatized him during the war, he experiences the following physical symptoms:

• Change of appetite
• Chronic pain
• Heart palpitations
• Headaches
• Digestive problems 
• Muscle tension 
• Sexual dysfunction 
• Sleep problems

Once the veteran attends somatic therapy sessions, the goal is to treat his PTSD and over time his physical symptoms should disappear.  So how does somatic experiencing work? Let’s take a look at titration and pendulation.

What is titration? 

Titration is when the somatic therapist starts a slow process where they observe the patient’s response and bodily sensations as they revisit the traumatic event. 

During this time, the process of titration lets the patient come to terms with the traumatic event and allows them to gradually become less affected by the trauma. 

The somatic therapist then records your physical responses as you build up tolerance towards the traumatic memories. Some physical sensations the somatic therapist is observing are: 

• Breathing changes
• Dizziness
• Changes in the tone of voice 
• Clenched hands
• Hot or cold sensations
• Numbness
• Stomach pain 
• Tearfulness
• Shivering
• Sweating

Once the somatic therapist records the physical responses of the patient, pendulation comes next. 

What is pendulation?

These physical responses are important for the patient and somatic therapist to work on as it is considered a release of energy trapped in the patient’s body. 

Pendulation is when the somatic therapist helps the patient to self-regulate and alternate between the physical and bodily sensations linked with the trauma and move you to a calmer state where you feel safe.  

The somatic therapist might guide the patient to use a certain breathing exercise to help process and release the trauma.

If you want to learn more about relationships go to http://relationshipschool.com/training.