One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. What is going on here and how do you deal with a partner who needs a lot or one who is distancing. In the first of our two part series, Ellen and I help the pursuers (connectors) understand and deal with your distancing partner. SHOWNOTES
- What is the pursuer/distancer dynamic? [10:30]
- What’s going on with the distancer when they are asking for time and space? [12:30]
- What 2 things do you need to balance when dealing with someone who is distancing. [17:30]
- The single focus trap that pursuers can fall into. [21:30]
- How time agreements can make re-connecting easier. [25:30]
- The positive side of being someone who is a distancer? [26:30]
- Quick review of the 5 tips [28:00]
- How this dynamic can be different in a marriage vs dating. [29:00]
- Jayson’s action step for the listener [33:00]
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Very good. .. I am the distanced and i feel scared and very emotional .
So I need some space to look at things from a different prospective. .. and heal myself.
My pursuer is getting frustrated and angry.
You are right I need to communicate in some way that I need some space. A good glance at him and he will understand…
hi Elena, thanks for owning how you show up in relationship, really nice self-awareness. It sounds like you’re learning some tools on how to express your care while in the midst of an avoidant-flare-up. I imagine if you keep listening to the podcast you’ll glean more and more tools that will support your development. Thank you for sharing and listening =)
Totally me, and my situation
thanks for listening Ashley =)