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How to Deal With The Distancer-Pursuer Dynamic (Part 1) – SC 71

by | September 28, 2016
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One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. What is going on here and how do you deal with a partner who needs a lot or one who is distancing. In the first of our two part series, Ellen and I help the pursuers (connectors) understand and deal with your distancing partner.


  • What is the pursuer/distancer dynamic? [10:30]
  • What’s going on with the distancer when they are asking for time and space? [12:30]
  • What 2 things do you need to balance when dealing with someone who is distancing. [17:30]
  • The single focus trap that pursuers can fall into. [21:30]
  • How time agreements can make re-connecting easier. [25:30]
  • The positive side of being someone who is a distancer? [26:30]
  • Quick review of the 5 tips [28:00]
  • How this dynamic can be different in a marriage vs dating. [29:00]
  • Jayson’s action step for the listener [33:00]




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