QUESTION: Since a boundary of mine is about to be breached – again – does that spell the end of this particular partnership? I’ve been lying to myself and my partner about my ok-ness with her quarterly 7+ day adventures with a supposedly platonic friend of hers. It took almost a year to figure that out and come to a place of acceptance with it. Last night during a semi-routine check-in conversation I was finally able to be honest with myself and with her that these trips, which started after she and I began seeing each other just over a year ago, are not ok with me – to the point of being non-negotiable. It turns out that I need my partner to have me as their primary adventure person. In less than two weeks, my partner and this friend of hers are scheduled to embark on a 9 day climbing journey together. – Alex, CA
SHOWNOTES
Alex’s question [1:00]
When people use spirituality as an excuse for not standing up for their needs [2:00]
How to find win-win when making requests with your partner [4:00]
The difference between setting setting boundaries with your partner and controlling them [6:00]
When is it best to take what we’ve learnt from this relationship as practice for the next? [9:00]
Imagine you’re 12 years old, at home watching tv, ears pricked up as you hear your dad pulling into the driveway. Every part of your nervous system listening to the revving of the engine, the slam of the car door, the keys in the front door.
All these things might be the difference between being greeted cheerfully, being ignored, or being beaten. It doesn’t take long to become an expert at knowing what’s coming.
The levels of sensitivity we develop to these dynamics as kids has a direct impact on what we get triggered by, how we get triggered, whether we fight, run or freeze.
Sadly, many people never get the chance to undo & heal the hurt of abuse and neglect from their childhood, so many of us suffer with emotional blocks, blindspots and triggers for the rest of our lives.
Christian Pankhurst is doing the work to help us heal those wounds.
In this episode, we talk about some practical steps to help you take control of the emotional triggers & untangle our shame through, what Christian calls ‘Heart Intelligence’ (or Heart IQ™)
Here are a few of the highlights:
SHOWNOTES
Christian’s story [8:00]
Growing up with a violent father [17:00]
How to accelerate your self-awareness with ‘circle work’ [19:00]
The dangers of the dysfunctional, disconnected masculine [21:00]
A tip for men on tracking their experience for increased self awareness [25:00]
The critical difference between ‘Triggered’ and ‘Non-Triggered’ energy [30:00]
A reframing question that can turn your pain into productive forward motion [34:00]
Christian Pankhurst is a world-leading authority on heart-centered communication and heart-intelligent relationships. He is the creator of the Heart IQ™ Method, a coaching framework that specializes in group dynamics and intimacy development. This methodology utilizes “circle work” to accelerate personal and group awakening. Christian is the founder of the Heart IQ Academy, an online and live event professional training organization that offers a one-of- a-kind education by combining professional coach training along with embodied application of the Heart IQ principles. The Heart IQ Academy has certified over 300 practitioners in over twenty-five countries.
QUESTION: Going into my 10th month of a relationship. 2 week break up (his initiation), came back back asking to work it out, showing up strong, committed and communicative. There is only one problem..no sex. He got distant before the break up (last few weeks)…and I asked about it then. He said it was a “him” thing. I realize we need a conversation….but before I do..I need objective insight. He does not touch me in any sexual ways. He holds my hand…and snuggles with me at night, even in his sleep. I am fairly attractive…so don’t chalk it up to that. But…this feels so bad and awkward. Has anyone else had this? He has never been aggressive or overly sexual with me, but now it is non existent. I feel like this is an NNN but I do not want to leave a relationship over sex….but…have considered. Any suggestions or thoughts?
SHOWNOTES
Can you be in long-term, fulfilling relationship without sex? [4:00]
How can having kids change your sex-life for the better? [5:00]
Why some couples choose a sex-less marriage [6:00]
The most common reason couples don’t have sex [8:00]
The feeling of being lost and purposeless in life has a big impact on our relationships. Men and women have a deep need to not only connect with each other, but connect to a bigger meaning in their life.
Satyen Raja is an expert at helping us develop the higher levels of purpose & evolution in our lives – and this affects everything from our work, our relationships with our partners & kids, our fitness and our level of satisfaction with our lives.
His ‘4 freedoms’ is an extremely useful exercise to helping you keep your eye on your highest self – especially if we’re suffering in feeling lost and without direction.
This episode, largely geared toward the men, will challenge you and give you a toolkit that dramatically increase your relationship and life satisfaction if you apply them – listen carefully for the exercises and grab a notebook, because these ones are important.
Here are a few of the highlights:
SHOWNOTES
How to create a relationship where both partners are learning from and inspiring one another [13:00]
Satyen’s number one thing he’s learned as a man in relationship to his wife [15:00]
Men & women triggering each other & how to deal with both [17:00]
How men can listen better in conflict without being a ‘doormat’ [18:00]
A martial arts technique to calm down when you’re triggered [19:00]
The “4 freedoms” for accelerated evolution and higher purpose [22:00]
A 10min exercise men can do to bring more presence to their partner [30:00]
Satyen Raja, founder and president of WarriorSage, is a widely respected living synthesis of Eastern wisdom and Western practicality, combining the power of the Warrior and the wisdom of the Sage. He is a lifetime black belt Martial Artist and a penetrating real visionary who compels his clients to harness their greatest obstacles and transform them into their most powerful gifts. Satyen draws from the realms of unparalleled techniques of life mastery, his profound life experience, and his natural ability to navigate beyond societal, cultural and conditioned identities to attain peak consciousness.
A master in a plethora of healing and consciousness raising modalities, Satyen is unique in the world of business and life coaching. His revolutionary methods attract CEO’s, Entrepreneurs and High Level Leaders from around the world. His provocative methods combined with his dynamic personality and passion for accelerated evolution create fundamental breakthroughs both for the individual and corporate culture. For all those who have had the great pleasure of his presence, he is known to be a man who most definitely walks his talk. Satyen has invested over three decades in hands-on research and he has led workshops for tens of thousands of individuals internationally in the art of ‘true power’. Satyen’s dramatic style is not for the timid. Through his teachings, your weaknesses become strengths… Quickly!
Satyen teaches with clarity, power and provocation. In his presence you are compelled to search within and to draw out your latent abilities. Through dynamic examples, compelling stories, mind-expanding experiences, spontaneous humour and proven practices, Satyen motivates, provokes and inspires you into accepting and cultivating your own greatness. Satyen’s focus on bringing the teachings into your physical body and into your real life, rather than just lecturing, sets him apart from other teachers and empowers you to make lasting changes in your life.
When Satyen leads, he holds nothing back; he gives you all of himself. Satyen masterfully uses his unique gifts to bring your fears and your unconscious self-limiting patterns to the surface and then resolves them fast. Using his intuition and his experience, Satyen ripens you by exposing your deepest heart and gifts. He sees you at your core and takes you past your edge where real transformation takes place. The Path of the WarriorSage, although not for the timid, is deep, fast and razor effective. This level of spiritual practice is intense. You must be willing to go into the fire and grow your heart. Satyen offers this opportunity for transformation out of his passion to help you awaken. Satyen is the teacher for you only if you are seeking real change.
Is there a difference between therapy and coaching? In this episode, I explore the main differences and what matters more than anything else when trying to find a good therapist or coach to help you through your relationship challenges.
SHOWNOTES
Where should you go for relationship advice? [2:00]
The difference between a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and a psychotherapist [4:00]
Why do some coaches charge more than therapists? [10:00]
Good coaching vs bad coaching [11:00]
How bad therapy can keep you stuck [13:00]
When should you go to a therapist and when should you go to a coach? [16:00]
There are two giant ways we screw up our relationships. One is by breaking agreements. The other is by never having agreements to begin with.
Broken agreements can be great opportunities to open a dialogue with our partner about our needs, renegotiate our agreements if they no longer make sense, or even draw a hard boundary around what we will and won’t tolerate.
But what happens when we never have agreements to begin with?
Expecting our partner to do, be and act a certain way without clearly communicating is a recipe for an almost certain ‘sh*t hitting the fan’ fight.
In this conversation with Christine Hassler, we dive into the world of agreements, communication and what she calls ‘expectation hangovers’.
Make sure to listen carefully for the three ways that we fall prey to toxic (and easily preventable) expectations that can blow up in our faces when left unchecked – in our relationships and in our lives.
Here are a few of the highlights:
SHOWNOTES
Christine’s story [7:00]
How beliefs ingrained early in childhood can show up as physiological symptoms later [10:00]
What depression can tell us about suppressed or repressed emotions [10:00]
What Christine calls “Journey Mates” (and why not all break-ups are a bad thing) [12:00]
Exercises for self-compassion and self-awareness [17:00]
The difference between Agreements and Expectations [23:00]
How to handle broken agreements in relationship [25:00]
How to handle it when your partner doesn’t meet your expectations [25:00]
What is an “Expectation Hangover”? [26:00]
What we DON’T want to do when dealing with an Expectation Hangover [28:00]
Christine Hassler left her successful job as a Hollywood agent at 25 to pursue a life she could be passionate about . . . but it did not come easily. After being inspired by her own unexpected challenges and experiences, she realized her journey was indeed her destination. In 2005, she wrote the first guidebook written exclusively for young women, entitled 20 Something 20 Everything. Christine’s second book, The 20 Something Manifesto written for men and women stems from her experience coaching twenty-something’s. Her newest book Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love and Life is the guidebook for how to treat disappointment on the emotional, mental, behavioral and spiritual levels.
Today, she supports individuals in discovering the answers to the questions: “Who Am I, What do I want, and How do I get it?” Christine is a Life Coach with a counseling emphasis known for catalyzing radical self-reflection while offering practical direction. She is passionate about busting the myth that life is about living by a checklist and having it all figured out. Christine believes we all deserve and are capable of discovering our passion, pursuing our dreams, and making an impact on the world. Check out the rest of her bio here.
Christian Pankhurst is a world-leading authority on heart-centered communication and heart-intelligent relationships. He is the creator of the Heart IQ™ Method, a coaching framework that specializes in group dynamics and intimacy development. This methodology utilizes “circle work” to accelerate personal and group awakening. Christian is the founder of the Heart IQ Academy, an online and live event professional training organization that offers a one-of- a-kind education by combining professional coach training along with embodied application of the Heart IQ principles. The Heart IQ Academy has certified over 300 practitioners in over twenty-five countries.
Satyen Raja, founder and president of WarriorSage, is a widely respected living synthesis of Eastern wisdom and Western practicality, combining the power of the Warrior and the wisdom of the Sage. 
