Relationships rarely end because you run out of love, most often they end due to lack of intimacy or lack of passion. There are a lot of examples on relationships where you still feel love towards your partner but you miss the spark and lust, the passion, what distinguishes two people who like each other and live under the same roof from two people who like each other and fill with lust just by the thought of each other’s company.

How does passion occur?

When we first meet a person we are often attracted by similarities. It is those similarities that are a big part of creating the foundation, the soil, where love can grow. For example, we share important values, have the same view of life and prioritize the same things in life.

What make the relationship stable is what you have in common and what created passion are your opposites, your polarity. Our perspective for this article is that love and passion are two different parts of a relationship. There can be love without passion as well as passion without real love. For a long term relationship where both are having their needs satisfied and where there is a pulse of love no matter how long we have been together both love and passion are needed in a dance joined together.

If love most often grows out of similarities, passion occurs from the land of differences. The differences create the dynamic that gives life to passion. Polarity gives energy. Just like a magnet is nothing more than a lump of metal if both its poles have the same charge, it is when the poles are charged with different energy that a magnet gets its irresistible power.

Polarity in a relationship is the same as a clear dance between male energy and female energy.

The impact of today’s society

In our Swedish society where there is a strong strive after equality the boundaries between male and female energy are in danger to be erased. We often strive for justice before passion and togetherness. For many it is more important that the chores in a home are split equally than the man does a chore that brings out his male energy and the woman does chores that bring out her female energy.

Male and female energy

Everyone has a male or female core and to feel as good as possible it is important to live in that energy. It could be that a man deep inside has a female core or a woman has a male core. As we noted above, the important thing for passion is that we have polarity. It doesn’t matter if it is a man with a genuine female core who lives with a female with a genuine male core. If both of these can allow their inner cores, inner being, to flourish then there are good foundations for a strong passion and lust of living there.

The same goes to a homosexual relationship. Here two women can have different cores and it is most often also these relationships that last with force and energy over time where there is a person with a clear male respective female energy.

Most common though is a man with a male centre, a male core and a woman with a female core. When we continue to write about male and female energy it is not an equation between a man and a woman even though for most cases this is the case.

How do you know what core you have?

One way to determine this is to ask yourself the following question: do I rather get taken and conquered by my partner or do I want to take and conquer my partner? When we speak about polarity and passion we need to let go of the so called socially acceptable way of talking about relationships where we often dress it up in fancy words instead of the more basic words. The animal in us if you so want. You find passion in the dark feelings, feelings that we often hide and are ashamed of. We have often learnt that it is something ugly.

We can also formulate the question of what wakes the most desire in you. Is it the thought of that with love get conquered and taken by male energy, where you can let go of the control and just let yourself flow in an ocean of feelings? Or is it the thought of standing up powerful and with a mountain of energy to conquer a female being and make it feel worshipped in every pore?

It is also important to understand that people have both the energies, more or less, and the best is if you can choose with ease which energy is best used in that moment.

Filippa: For me it has previously been important to show my strength by being able to do things that show my physical strength like drilling, chopping wood or carrying heavy things. I thought femininity was weak, that it was weak to ask for help and not to manage on your own but now I have learnt that it is the opposite.

To dare being vulnerable by being yourself is strong. That in turn will help others to do the same, to remove the facade. I also know that I can melt the male strength with my femininity and bring out the tender side in him even when he is angry.

Female energy is an ocean of feelings; it is without boundaries, a free flow of love to everyone and all. To take little problems and make them big and wallow in them is a sign of female energy. Male energy is a lot about limiting, creating clear boundaries, mastering. Taking big problems and making them small and easier to solve.

To help each other in a relationship, to affirm its female and/or male sides, is highly important for passion.

Markus: I got a really good lesson when I realized that we men have an easy way to find our male energy when we are being challenged by another man. It will naturally bring out the need to stand up and master the situation, for example when it comes to sport.

When we men, me included, are challenged by a woman it isn’t as obvious that we are the male energy that the woman is seeking. A woman’s challenge can come in the shape of accusations that I as a man can feel are directed to me personally.

Previously it was easy for me to become a man child and would feel as I was treated unfairly and expressed it by being critical and start throwing accusations back the other way. If I instead take the challenge filled with male energy I will stand steady as a rock and love my woman the more upset and accusatory she becomes.

We need to be able to live in both energies

Most women want a man who is strong, knows what he wants, who he is and where he is going at the same time as he is caring, tender, loving and completely present (an ability to be part of your partners body and feel what the feel and which is more of female energy)

Men often want a woman who is spontaneous, playful, loving and giving but who also has an inner strength in her femininity and knows what she want.

In conclusion

If you already live in a relationship that is full of lust for life, passion and energy then congratulations! We think that you will find that a strong contribution to this is the allowance of polarities. For you who today live in a relationship where there is love but feel that you are missing that extra spark, we hope that you can take the perspective of differences and see how you can develop it in your relationship. We will come back to this subject later on and give more examples of how this can affect a relationship and practical tips on how to create more passion in your relationship.

Homework assignment

Your task is first and mostly to observe and note what you experience yourself in your core, male or female energy.

If you are female in your core then your task is to find three ways that you are already using or would be using to embrace your female energy. Then do these three things at least once a week the coming month. Examples of what other people have expressed as an activity that strengthens the female energy is shopping, beauty care and speak freely to your girlfriends.

You who are male in your core have probably already figured out what your task is by now. Find three ways that you use or would be using to embrace your male energy. Then do these three things at least once a week for the next month. Examples of what other people have expressed as an activity that strengthens the male energy is chopping wood, martial arts and to construct something that requires logical thinking and physical work.


Couple with laptop studying relationships