Try it for a period to change the focus so you get to experience the opposite. For example, if you have a strong focus on security, try to focus on how you can get more adventure into your life by daring to step outside your comfort zone.

Characteristics of persons who give priority to different needs

If you can not yet see the rank of your own needs, here are some of the characteristics of people who focus on the different needs.

Certainty

You do nothing that may pose a risk to you in any way, you are probably do not leave the house more than necessary and you have alarms on even when you're at home.

When you go out to places you tend to notice all the people that could hurt you or your confidence. You only socialize with people you trust completely and that you can control, you do not live in a relationship because then you become more vulnerable, or you live with a person you can control.

You often say things like "beware!", "it is dangerous", "for safety's sake", "be careful", "take care of yourself" and you'd rather talk about others than talk about yourself or your emotions.

When you make decision you choose what seems to hurt the least and you see to that you can quickly get away from there in case it does not go as you want.

Uncertainty

You have no problems in life, you see anything as challenges and adventures. You expose yourself to risk all the time and are impatient. You have no trouble with burning bridges and go for what you believe in even when others warn you.

You move often or are not home as often and are probably not employed, but are an investor or have own your own business where you off course do not have to be present so often. You travel a lot and then primarily to places that can give you adrenaline rushes.

You are investing in the stock market rather than putting money in the bank. You associate with people who can challenge you and allow you to be spontaneous and allow you to be in touch when you feel like it, as well as people who like to come along on your adventures.

Significance

You are a person that others often follow and that others are listening to, you make sure to have knowledge of topics that are important to you and you will gladly share these.

People often have respect for you and they know they can not control you even if many try to. Some may feel threatened by you and you do not back down from conflicts. You make sure that others notice you by the clothing you wear, your hair, jewelry, car, voice, big gestures, stories about your achievements or your problems that are bigger than anyone else's.

You have no problem with amusing yourself in a group and you can go off and do something on your own if nobody wants to come along. You prioritize the task before the relationships to others.

Connection

You are a person who easily gets liked by others, you can melt in quickly and are rarely in conflict with others. You are interested in other people's stories and are reluctant to be the center of attention yourself.

Your opinion is usually not so strong and when someone asks you what you think or want, you often respond "I do not know" or "it does not matter". You follow rather than lead.

In a project you make sure everyone gets to have their opinion heard and that everyone is satisfied before you make a decision.

You like to be there for others and you always have a shoulder available if someone needs to cry a bit.

Filippa: Anthony Robbins says "the amount of uncertainty you are able to handle in your life is directly proportional to the quality of your life". What does he mean by that?

Well, lets say you depend on having control of your surroundings, controlling people and situations because you are afraid if you do not do that, you will more easily experience pain.

Lets say on top of that you also feel you need to keep control of your emotions and behavior, because if you do not do that, you will experience pain (for example, being afraid of being judged by others, not being good enough as you are) and because it is impossible to control everything happening around you.

If this is your situation, you will find it difficult to let go and trust others. Also to trust yourself that whatever happens you will be good enough as you are, you will manage all the challenges that come to you. If that is the case you will simply have it more difficult to enjoy life, be spontaneous, to give love to others without expecting something back.

A truth that gives me security is "everything that happens has a purpose and a benefit for me in the long run even if I can not see it today."

Markus: My partner and I have had some interesting crashes between my need for significance, which is high on my list of priorities, and her need for connection that is high on her list. For example, when we have worked together with our business and were going to decision on structure and the focus of the work with the people in our team.

For me it was obvious that the results were what mattered and that should be the priority. To set goals and achieve them, that was my motto. For her, it was important that we should have fun, creating fun and social occasions.

Sometimes in the heat of battle, so to speak, we failed to see the differing needs behind it all, but when we could see them the whole dynamic became very obvious to us.

The great thing was that when we could find ways to work with each other and our team where we satisfied both our needs in the best way, that was also the times when both the results and well being of the team where at its peak.


Oriental man and woman together

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