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Conflict Is Good News – Diane Musho Hamilton – SC 20

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I really enjoyed this conversation with Zen teacher Diane Hamilton. She brings such a genuine willingness to move toward what’s uncomfortable in our relationships. We explore why she left the mormon church and how she got into zen practice. We also take a good look at parenting, marriage, and why it’s so paramount to be able to take our partner’s point of view. I know you’ll appreciate this dialogue.

SHOWNOTES:

  • A special guest kicks off the podcast [0:10]
  • Beginning of the interview [5:20]
  • Diane shares the arc of her life up to this point [6:00]
  • Diane’s “genius zone”: Meditation and Mediation [10:00]

I don’t want peace at the sake of low energy, nor do I want high energy at the sake of harmony.  Those qualities both matter. – Diane Musho Hamilton

  • Skill with conflict = comfort with difference [16:00]

A couple that can take each other’s perspectives, as well as perspectives from their children or perspectives from the outside, generally points to a couple that has more flexibility and more range in their relationship. – Diane Musho Hamilton

  • Diane shares about the relationship dynamic with her husband [19:30]
  • Diane defines conflict: “Extreme difference that is fueled by emotion, and is very disruptive to the system” [21:00]
  • Why is conflict “good news”? [22:10]
  • The 3 styles of conflict [24:15]
    • Avoidance
    • Accommodation
    • Aggression
  • How Diane uses meditation to work with conflict [29:00]
  • Diane demos mindfulness meditation [32:50]

[bctt tweet=”If you can’t sit with yourself, then you can’t really sit with anyone else – Diane Musho Hamilton “]

  • The yogic practice of hearing perspectives we don’t agree with [39:00]
  • Bringing Zen and Integral into conflict [45:40]

[bctt tweet=”The more developed a person is, the more perspectives they can take. – Diane Musho Hamilton”]

HELPFUL LINKS:

Dumb Fights

My upcoming Conflict Webinar

Diane’s Website

Diane’s Book: Everything Is Workable 

10 Directions

The Integral Map

The Enneagram

Zen Buddhism

ABOUT:

Diane-Hamilton-podcast

Diane Musho Hamilton is an exceptionally gifted mediator, group facilitator, and one of the authentic contemporary spiritual teachers of our time.

Combining decades of innovation in conflict resolution with an enthusiasm for life, she knows how to address the challenges of our modern experience with an uncommon spiritual perspective.

With extraordinary warmth, depth and insight, she encourages us to consciously evolve beyond old and limited ideas of who we are so that we might discover our own unique expression of wisdom and of compassion in this time.

 
 


 
 

3 Steps To End Relationship Drama – SC 19

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In this episode I unpack 3 really important steps to removing the drama from your relationships. Drama can be a time suck, an energy drain, and can hurt your relationship even more. So, check this short episode out and notice if you are perpetuating drama, or doing your best to end it.

SHOWNOTES:

  • What does Jayson mean when he says drama? [2:00]

[bctt tweet=”If you want to end the drama, you need to face the drama.”]

  • 3 main ingredients to ending the drama [4:40]
  1. Reframe it and see it as an opportunity rather than a problem [5:50]
  2. Say NO to drama, by saying YES to conflict [7:00]
  3. Learn the art and wisdom of understanding each other [13:50]
  • What does it mean to validate someone else’s experience? [17:00]

ACTION STEP

Make sure to get the Conflict Score Card by signing up for my upcoming FREE webinar: The Secret to Ending Frustrating Fights.

 
 


 
 

Women’s Sexuality – Christiane Pelmas and Rensselear Resch – SC 17

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I got a serious education in this interview with Christiane and Ren. I can get so focused on men’s issues that I lose sight of what’s occurring for women. So, needless to say, this episode was very helpful. Since I have a daughter, I’m particularly interested in how to raise her in a “good” way around her own sexuality. Sure, my wife’s got so much of that covered, but as her Dad, I’m eager to support her unfolding in the most beautiful way possible. So, thanks to these two women and the women who were brave enough to ask some tough questions of themselves and their sexuality. I’m learning and I’m grateful.

SHOWNOTES:

  • What lead Christiane into teaching sexuality [8:20]

[bctt tweet=”There are 3 primary ways we have access to our true self: birth, death, and sex – Christiane Pelmas”]

  • How Ren became a sexual educator – [9:30]
  • What it was like for Ren to grow up in a household that was shame-free around sex – [10:30]
  • Common sexual initiations for girls – [12:30]

Sex and sexuality is a profound portal, to increased self-awareness, increased authentic self-expression, and of course, to intimacy with self, the world and other people. – Christiane

  • Sexual co-exploring between children; when is it ok? – [14:20]
  • Why it’s important for parents to do their own work around sex – [17:20]
  • Common roadblocks for a girl growing into her sexuality – [18:50]
  • Sexual pain-points for women in long-term relationship [21:40]
  • What is Erotic Intelligence? [24:40]
  • Going into sexual wounds to heal them – [27:30]
  • How men try to please women in the bedroom – [36:15]

[bctt tweet=”I’m going to maintain responsibility for my pleasure, and you need to do the same. – Christiane Pelmas”]

  • An example of a cop-out in the bedroom [39:55]
  • What blocks us from knowing what we want in the bedroom- [44:25]
  • Simple practices for women to move toward sovereignty – [50:55]
  • The female orgasm – [58:50]
  • Parting comments – [1:04:55]
  • Q&A Section – [1:07:50]

Here, Ren and Christiane Answer Questions Like:

  • How do I heal the rift between my heart and my sex?
  • What is the biggest obstacle for women to experience orgasm?
  • How do I connect healthily to my sexuality in the midst of a busy life-style?
  • And many more heartfelt questions
  • Outro – [1:50:00]

HELPFUL LINKS:

Previous Podcast with Christiane – Embracing Diversity in Your Partner

Men’s Sexuality Podcast – With David Cates

Jayson Gaddis – Women’s Sexuality

The Magnificent Lover

Magnificent Lover – Sex Education

The Rewilding

The Pleasure Practice

Resources for female anatomy and arousal:

Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston

Erotic Massage for Healing and Pleasure by Caffyn Jesse

ABOUT:

Christiane

Christiane Pelmas, MSW, CSB, is a psychotherapist, educator and guide in private practice for more than two decades. She is a Somatic Sex Educator working with couples and individuals in traditional and non-traditional hands-on settings. She is the founder of the pioneering work of ReWilding and the co-founder and principle facilitator for The Magnificent Lover Course for Men.

Ren

Rensselear Resch, MS, CSB, is a somatic sex educator, certified sexological bodyworker and meditation instructor. She works with individuals, couples and communities in experiential and hands-on ways to discover the wisdom and power of the body and the innate generative energy that has us come alive and fully show up—not only in sex, but in our whole lives. Her depth and breadth of experience and skill allows her to serve as Guide and Muse for people from various walks of life.

 
 


 
 

Ayahuasca & Relationships – Geoff Hanzlik and Richard Furr – SC 15

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INTRO:

Can plant medicine such as Ayahuasca help our marriages? In this episode I interview two very experienced guests who have both done over 500 ceremonies with this sacred medicine. We dive deep into this question, highlighting Ayahuasca’s strengths as a healing modality and where this medicine may fall short when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

SHOWNOTES:

  • Jayson’s early Ayahuasca experiences [2:30]
  • Intro to Geoff Hanzlik [4:50]
  • Intro to Richard Furr [5:45]
  • Beginning of interview [6:50]
  • Geoff shares how early depression lead him to Ayahuasca [8:40]

They said to me, it’s something they would give both to their best friend, and to their worst enemy. – Geoff  [9:30]

  • Richard shares how he entered the Ayahuasca path [11:35]
  • What exactly is Ayahuasca? [14:20]
  • Potential dangers and downsides of Ayahuasca [17:35]

[bctt tweet=”Ayahuasca definitely can open the floodgates of the unconscious – Richard Furr”]

  • Can this medicine “make you more sensitive”? [22:45]
  • Is group processing needed before and after ceremonies?  [25:00]
  • Bringing therapy into the conversation [26:00]
  • The greatest thing the medicine taught Jayson [28:50]
  • Does Ayahuasca help with our intimate relationships? [30:55]
  • How would one use Ayahuasca to help their relationship life? [39:30]

[bctt tweet=”It’s very rapid change…therapy combined with Ayahuasca can be really powerful – Geoff Hanzlik”]

  • Richard helps those struggling to integrate their Ayahuasca experience [44:15]
  • Inner depth healing vs. developing relational skills – [48:00]
  • Ayahuasca is not a ‘quick fix’ [51:10]
  • “This isn’t a ‘dabblers’ path” [54:50]
  • Richard shares the dangers of pushing Ayahuasca on others [1:00:00]
  • How are relational dynamics addressed in spiritual communities? [1:05:00]

Virtually everything that could trigger me in a relationship, has a deeper source inside of myself – Richard [1:10:15]

  • Conclusion/outro [1:11:45]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

Ayahuasca Wikipedia Link

Renowned Doctor Gabor Mate on Psychedelics and Unlocking the Unconscious

A short documentary on Santo Daime

Santo Daime Wikipedia Link

MDMA & Relationships Podcast

What LSD, Ayahuasca & My Wife Taught Me About Intimacy

The Ayahuasca Wave

How Do We Integrate The Ayahuasca Experience?

 

ABOUT:

Geoff-MLA-bio

Geoff Hanzlik, M.S.W. is a psychotherapist in private practice in Boulder, Colorado. He also runs a consulting practice for professionals called Tidal Coaching. From 1998 until 2013, Geoff participated in 500+ rituals in the Santo Daime religion as a musician, facilitator, and student. He lives with his wife and 2 children in Boulder.
Geoff Hanzlick’s Website

furr

Richard Furr is a psychotherapist, trauma healing specialist, and consultant in Boulder, Colorado. He loves spending time in nature and exploring relational intimacy with his partner and close friends.  Richard has extensive experience with shamanic healing including training with Stanislav Grof and also underwent a 15 year shamanic initiation/spiritual emergency that included, among many other things, over 500 ayahuasca ceremonies.  Richard specializes in working with spiritual emergency, high intensity fear states, birth trauma and healthy integration of challenging medicine experiences.  Richard hosts 1-on-1 and small group psychotherapy and healing intensives and has clients from around the world.

Richard Furr’s Website

 
 


 
 

Your Edgy Relationship Questions – SC 14

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[bctt tweet=”Relationship to me is all about welcoming all of us, including the parts that want to hide.”]

SHOWNOTES:

In this episode Jayson fields a bunch of great questions from listeners like you.

Here are a few of the edited questions:

  • Do you work with people who are actively having an affair and want to continue it?
  • How do I deal with a partner who refuses to do the work?
  • What do I do when I fall out of love with my partner?
  • How can I feel sexually empowered in a relationship when my partner lacks both the desire to have sex and the desire to talk about it?
  • How do I deal with the loss of my partner?
  • How do I tell someone what I need in a way that doesn’t shame them or make them wrong?
  • How do I work through conflict when my partner is stuck in denial?

Now, what is your question? Just ask Jayson by recording your question here or leaving us an email at [email protected]. Be sure to label it “podcast question”. 

[bctt tweet=”Relationship is this wonderful place where we find out if we are going to be accepted for who we are.”]