personal development Archives - Page 8 of 15

How A Couple Recovered From Cheating – Leahnora & Noah – SC 177

Couples that survive the toughest relationship challenges are so impressive! Leahnora and Noah are one of those couples. Cheating nearly tore them apart but they made commitments to change themselves and now they’re stronger than ever before.

What did they do? How do they handle the baggage of their past?

Jayson explores the tough questions here. Also, Leahnora and Noah are still working through some common issues around sexuality and conflict and they share vulnerably about this as Jayson gives some relationship coaching.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

- - How did Noah handle the cheating? [9:00]
  - Leahnora & Noah’s personal growth paths [15:00]
  - Defensiveness isn’t always bad [25:00]
  - Their open relationship experience [29:00]
  - Noah & Leahnora’s fighting style [35:00]
  - Trusting love’s message no matter the cost [40:00]
  - Jayson addresses their sexuality struggles [44:00]
  - When you’re both triggered [54:00]
  - Don’t respond with “That wasn’t my intent” [60:00]

If you would like to connect with Leahnora and/or Noah, they can be contacted at [email protected] and [email protected].

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Noah and Leahnora have been together for over 5 years, and got married summer 2017. Noah is 35 years and Leahnora is 34. They have two dogs but no kids (this is something they are excited about for the future). They went to high school together in San Diego, CA and now reside in Oakland, California. Noah works a real estate agent and Leahnora works for the California Department of Transportation as an environmental planner. They are both passionate about philosophy and the interconnection of humans, and navigating their way through the human condition. They have vowed to use their marriage as a container for a path to personal and couple awakening.

Leahnora and Noah’s struggles began early in their relationship. Leahnora was dating other guys while Noah was coming out of a spiritual quest in India. At the time, they couldn’t have been more opposite. Their first 3 years together were HELL. Leahnora was cheating and keeping secrets, and Noah was in his own bubble and stubbornly clinging to his self-righteous worldviews. Through years of hard work we were finally able to get on the same page and since Noah proposed, things have been wonderful.

Leahnora and Noah’s main issue is currently around sex. Noah wants more, and Leahnora could care less. About once a week, they get into the same argument. Noah thinks Leahnora doesn’t want sex because of her past unresolved trauma, and Leahnora is annoyed and frustrated that Noah is not truly understanding to give her the space to explore sexuality, in her own way. They both feel trapped. Leahnora is craving safety and Noah is craving sex.

They are looking for a way to find common ground, so that they both feel their needs getting adequately met.

Why Spiritually Developed People Struggle With Monogamy – Ellen & Jayson – SC 176

Is your spiritual growth helping your relationship? Are you collaborating with your partner to better yourself as an individual? Or are you going to your corner of the house to meditate all by yourself?

Their careers as therapists and decades of mediation experience have lead Jayson Gaddis and his wife Ellen Boeder to multiple spiritual development discoveries. Turns out even the most spiritually advanced amongst us struggle with relationships. Jayson and Ellen also encourage couples to discover how collaboration with a partner in times of stress can strengthen each individual.

This episode is full of tips for anyone interested in bettering themselves and their relationship at the same time!

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

- - How Ellen & Jayson Benefit from Spiritual Practice [2:00]
  - Even Spiritually Advanced People Struggle With Relationships [10:00]
  - Strengthening Relationships With Dependence [17:00]
  - Calming Down Together [20:00]
  - Where Spirituality Alone Falls Short [25:00]
  - When “Your” Triggers Should Be An “Us” Thing [33:00]

‘Win a Chance to be Coached By Jayson’

To celebrate my first book, The Smart Couple Quote Book and the Holiday Season, I am giving away 3 big prizes. 2nd place) $200 credit for any of my courses, 3rd place) $30 to be used in the Relationship School store and the Grand Prize is a 45-minute coaching session for you or you and your partner from me! Boom! Who’s in?

To enter to win you must go to the Jayson Gaddis Fan Page on Facebook and
1. Find the Contest Post
2. Like the contest post
3. Comment on the post with what you love about The Smart Couple Book
3. Share the post and tag 3 friends

AND extra bonus points:
For an extra 5 entries into the raffle, post a selfie of you on your social channels with the book tagging Jayson Gaddis OR leave a review of the book on Amazon. If you leave a review, email us a screenshot of your review at [email protected] . Make sure we see the tagged post as well. Send us an email as a back up with a link to your social post.

Contest is open to anyone in the world until December 10 at 11:59p MT. Winners will be announced on the Smart Couple Podcast and Facebook on Wednesday, December 13th.

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Ellen Boeder is a psychotherapist in private practice in Boulder, Colorado. Since 2004, she has worked primarily with women and is now incorporating couple therapy into her practice. Her theoretic approach includes transpersonal psychology, developmental attachment theory, family systems, and somatic and energetic modalities. For couple therapy she also utilizes Stan Tatkin’s model, the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). She is inspired to support women and couple’s heal and grow in ways that liberate their authentic selves.

How Some Men Show Their Love To A Woman

The most essential human need (after the basic survival needs) is to be loved – to feel loved and accepted as we are. So many people go on for years wanting love and not knowing how to get it or advocate for it. They end up feeling perpetually frustrated, unloved, and unfulfilled. There is another way…

Do you actually know what you need from your partner to feel loved?

Do you speak up and ask for it?

Or do you keep hoping your partner will somehow figure it out or change or express love like you do?

Don’t do this!

You will only frustrate more and create tension when what you really want is connection.

Instead, be proactive. Learn. Explore. Inquire. And share.

When it comes to feeling loved you might be speaking different languages.

Did you watch the short video? Are you this man? Do you show love this way?

Or, is this your man? If so, he’s probably showing his love in the way that he learned through his conditioning and upbringing. We all do this. We make choices based on our values and preferences largely influenced by the way we were raised.

And when you partner with someone, you join your values with theirs. This is where things can get tricky (and sticky).

One of you values work, while the other values connection. One of you expresses love by doing things and the other through touch and conversation. You’re speaking different languages! Simple right?

But painful when you forget this.

This inability to communicate in each other’s values causes you to feel missed, misunderstood, uncared for, and unloved. And if you cannot find a way to learn each other’s values you will remain caught in a struggle.

So what can you do? Acknowledge and advocate.

Take off your blinders of blame, resentment, or judgment and start to see how your partner shows his love. It may be different from your way. Be curious. Get to know what matters to your guy and what love looks like in his language. See if you can acknowledge him and understand what he cares about and how that translates into his expression of love – for you.

At the same time get clear about what works for you. Own it. Communicate that to your partner to educate him about your way and your needs. If you want more emotional connection from him, teach him about why that matters to you and celebrate him when he’s offering it.

This may feel incredibly uncomfortable. Growth often is.

Be willing to get vulnerable. Be willing to speak up for what works for you. Let yourself be seen and known in this way.

Remember that in a mutual relationship, both of you are invested in learning how to love each other as best as you can. This not only strengthens the relationship, it creates the kind of safety where feelings of being accepted and loved can blossom.

As you get to know each other’s values and language, the conversation and relationship can deepen. And you can actually feel loved in a way that speaks to you!

Still not sure what to do? Join The Relationship School® to learn how to deal with your differences.

How To Work With Personality Differences – Joel & Antonia – SC 77

In this episode, personality hackers and smart couple Joel and Antonia share their personal experiences of working through differences by understanding their partner’s personality type. These two use Myers-Briggs, the enneagram, and other personality tests to understand themselves and each other better. I think you’ll get a couple of new insights from Joel and Antonia’s story that can help you right now in your own relationship. Pay special attention to what they do well and how they work through challenges in a collaborative way.

SHOWNOTES

What is a “social technology”? [8:30]
Why do you need to understand your partner’s personality style? [14:00]
How did Joel and Antonia start studying personality? [15:15]
The unique history of the Myers-Briggs typing system. [17:00]
How thinkers and feelers can work well in relationships. [22:00]
Can your learn from your partner’s personality style? [32:00]
The impact of masculine or feminine personality types. [35:00]
The two kinds of thinking styles. [38:30]
The best place to start to figure out you & your partner’s personality type? [42:00]
The traps of personality tests. [44:00]
One thing to never do with your partner. [47:30]
What caused Joel and Antonia to dive into personal growth? [49:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

PersonalityHacker.com
Jayson Gaddis – Products
How to Deal With Family Drama Before The Holidays (Part 1) – Monday, November 14
Facebook – Jayson Gaddis Fan Page
Monogamy & The Smart Couple – Facebook Group
How to Leave A Podcast Review
The new Smart Couple logo design tweak by Steve Srotir—Steve says, “I’m inspired to work for clients who elevate the human experience, stimulate action and spark imaginations – creating impact by design.”
Contact: [email protected] | LinkedIn – Steve Srotir

GUEST BIO

Joel Mark Witt & Antonia Dodge are a married couple and creators of Personality Hacker – a new kind of publishing company that merges digital media with emerging models of human development. They focus on helping people create more happiness in their lives by understanding themselves and others.

How To Deal With A Partner That Talks Too Much – SC 75

You’ve been a with a friend or partner who rambles on right? And, you check out or stop listening, but you let them talk right? We’ve all been there. Well, in this episode, we discuss how important it is to interrupt them and take command of the conversation. Wait, Am I suggesting you get aggressive? No way. I’m asking that you show your “care” for them by listening in an entirely different way.

SHOWNOTES

What is “captive audience”? [7:30]
Who is responsible when someone talks too much in an interaction? [10:30]
What is active listening? [12:15]
The gift that you might be giving the “over-talker”. [14:00]
Jayson gives some examples on how to interrupt. [15:30]
Jayson shares a personal story of a dude that talked WAY too much and what Jayson did about it. [21:30]
Jayson’s action steps for the listener [25:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

8 Steps To Reconnect After Disconnection – SC 74

Feeling disconnected is a common experience in long-term relationships. The question is how to get reconnected? Well, first you’ll want to start to identify the ways in which you disconnect and locate the source. After some self-inquiry there, you can learn how to reconnect to you, and your partner. Listen to this one to learn how.

SHOWNOTES

Should you expect that your marriage will last forever? [4:00]
Do you need to love yourself first before you get into a relationship? [5:30]
The 10 signs that you’re disconnected from yourself. [9:30]
The 8 steps to reconnect. [15:00]
Jayson’s action step for the listener [24:00]

You can also read this blog post: 10 Signs I’m Disconnected From Myself

8 Steps to Reconnect With Self & Partner

When did these feelings start?
What caused it?
Isolate the incident.
Get into your body and heart.
Dive in and feel it.
Get in relationship with your partner or a close friend. “Will you connect with me?”
Own up to what you’ve been up to.
Commit to taking care of the root issue.

CONTEST RULES

Prize: one (1) winner will receive a 30 minute private coaching session with Jayson.