Jayson, Author at The Relationship School®

How To Deal With An Angry Woman? – Terry Real – SC 120

How do you deal with an emotional woman? Guys are going to want to listen to this. My guest Terry Real shares a ton of insight here in his 2nd interview with SCP including the 3 phases of marriage and the five habits that hurt your relationship. Listen in for more!

SHOWNOTES

The three phases of marriage [8:00]
The five habits that hurt your relationship [12:00]
Why we pick partners who trigger us [14:00]
The two main issues all couples have [18:00]
The difference between obligatory and voluntary nurturing (the difference can make or break a marriage) [24:00]
How Boomers and Millenials treat relationships differently [27:00]
How to express complaints so that your partner hears them [34:00]
A 2-step process to help overcome a harsh inner critic [39:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Terry Real, married for over 30 years! is an internationally recognized Family Therapist, Speaker and Author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology. A family therapist and teacher for more than twenty five years, Terry is the best-selling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner, 1997), the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner, 2002), and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work (Random House). Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy — and greater personal fulfillment.

Dude’s got a very long bio, you can read more here.

How to End a Relationship Respectfully – SC 119

How do you end a relationship with respect and dignity? People make breaking up a lot more complicated than it needs to be. In this episode, I talk about how to handle breaking up in a clean, direct and honest way.

Question from Shelby: “I’ve been working on myself through a romantic relationship for about a year and a half now. We really seem to connect deeply when we are together – which is minimal – yet it’s not enough for him to stay in the relationship so that it goes anywhere significant. I feel like I’m just lingering in this relationship that I still have feelings for and it’s not at the level of commitment I want. I’ve heard you mention something along the lines of ‘when you end a relationship, you set the stage for your next relationship.’

How do I respectfully end a relationship with someone that won’t see me in person, won’t talk to me on the phone, or if I say anything serious by text, he disappears – in a way that invites a healthy relationship moving forward?”

SHOWNOTES

How do I end a relationship and not repeat patterns going forward? [2:00]
Ending a relationship like a mature adult [3:00]
How to un-complicate the break-up process [6:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

The #1 Hidden Reason Men Pull Away and Lose Interest – SC 118

Why do men pull away when they get close? Then, some of them will come back, only to pull away again. WTF is going on here? SHOWNOTES

What is going on when a man pulls away? [7:00]
The surprising reason he pulls away and disconnects from you [8:00]
Why annoying your partner is a good thing (and will happen forever) [10:00]
The feedback loop that keeps you both stuck [13:00]
Two powerful tips for when he pulls away [14:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

Can It Work If My Partner Is 50% Into Personal Growth? – SC 117

Personal growth isn’t the end all be all. But it does make a massive difference if you want a thriving partnership over time…

QUESTION:
“My question is in relation to Podcast #34, Triggers.
I’ve heard you say in numerous podcasts what’s required to have growth oriented people – that it requires 100% commitment of “I’m in” to the path of personal development, and responsibility and interest in myself for this work to be effective. What do you do if a person is 50% in? What do you do if they’re interested in taking responsibility and owning themselves about half the time? The rest of the time is still blaming, dealing with upsets, resentment and disconnection. The latter is tremendously difficult for me and brings up a lot for me. I can continue to work with my end of it, but also notice 50% is not good enough for me. I want more. Do you come up to this a lot in your work and if so, what are your solutions to dealing with it?”
– Max, Boulder, CO – 3/29/17

SHOWNOTES

Why you both need to be all-in [3:00]
Can a man who has sexual addiction to escorts because of anger overcome his addiction, and how do I stand by him while he’s working on this? [6:00]
Would a man cuddle with a female he doesn’t like or interested in? [7:00]
What causes a man to cheat when the woman helps with just about everything and will do anything for him? [9:00]
How do you know then you’re ready to take the next step in a relationship? [10:00]
How can I get him to understand that I don’t want it all the time and it doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to him? [11:00]
When you and your partner are under stress [12:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

The Neuroscience & Power of Safe Relationships – Stephen W. Porges – SC 116

Have you ever wondered why you struggle to learn something new when you are stressed? Do you wonder why you or your partner are so damn sensitive? Well, there’s a scientific reason for all of this and in this week’s episode, I interview the man who developed the polyvagal theory. He’s a real pioneer and someone who cares a lot about you feeling safe, in life, and in your relationships. Stephen Porges is about to give you a big download on why you might not feel safe and what you can do about it. Bottom line? We cover the neuroscience of safe relationships and how to create them.

SHOWNOTES

Why we need relationships to keep our nervous systems calm [16:00]
How neuroscience understands ‘intimacy’ [21:00]
Marriage before, during and after kids [25:00]
What to do next time you feel yourself triggered and activated [29:00]
How safety and creativity are linked [32:00]
Using your tone of voice to facilitate more safety in your interactions [43:00]
The surprising truth about our happiest childhood memories [55:00]
Why you should never work anything out over the phone [57:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO Stephen W. Porges, PhD, is Distinguished University Scientist at Indiana University, where he directs the Trauma Research Center within the Kinsey Institute. He holds the position of Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina and Professor Emeritus at the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Maryland. He served as president of both the Society for Psychophysiological Research and the Federation of Associations in Behavioral & Brain Sciences and is a former recipient of a National Institute of Mental Health Research Scientist Development Award. He has published more than 250 peer-reviewed scientific papers across several disciplines including anaesthesiology, biomedical engineering, critical care medicine, ergonomics, exercise physiology, gerontology, neurology, neuroscience, obstetrics, pediatrics, psychiatry, psychology, psychometrics, space medicine, and substance abuse. In 1994 he proposed the Polyvagal Theory, a theory that links the evolution of the mammalian autonomic nervous system to social behavior and emphasizes the importance of physiological state in the expression of behavioral problems and psychiatric disorders. The theory is leading to innovative treatments based on insights into the mechanisms mediating symptoms observed in several behavioral, psychiatric, and physical disorders. He is the author of The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation (Norton, 2011). His new book, The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The transformative power of feeling safe, will be released this fall from W. W. Norton.