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Women’s Sexuality – Christiane Pelmas and Rensselear Resch – SC 17

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I got a serious education in this interview with Christiane and Ren. I can get so focused on men’s issues that I lose sight of what’s occurring for women. So, needless to say, this episode was very helpful. Since I have a daughter, I’m particularly interested in how to raise her in a “good” way around her own sexuality. Sure, my wife’s got so much of that covered, but as her Dad, I’m eager to support her unfolding in the most beautiful way possible. So, thanks to these two women and the women who were brave enough to ask some tough questions of themselves and their sexuality. I’m learning and I’m grateful.

SHOWNOTES:

  • What lead Christiane into teaching sexuality [8:20]

[bctt tweet=”There are 3 primary ways we have access to our true self: birth, death, and sex – Christiane Pelmas”]

  • How Ren became a sexual educator – [9:30]
  • What it was like for Ren to grow up in a household that was shame-free around sex – [10:30]
  • Common sexual initiations for girls – [12:30]

Sex and sexuality is a profound portal, to increased self-awareness, increased authentic self-expression, and of course, to intimacy with self, the world and other people. – Christiane

  • Sexual co-exploring between children; when is it ok? – [14:20]
  • Why it’s important for parents to do their own work around sex – [17:20]
  • Common roadblocks for a girl growing into her sexuality – [18:50]
  • Sexual pain-points for women in long-term relationship [21:40]
  • What is Erotic Intelligence? [24:40]
  • Going into sexual wounds to heal them – [27:30]
  • How men try to please women in the bedroom – [36:15]

[bctt tweet=”I’m going to maintain responsibility for my pleasure, and you need to do the same. – Christiane Pelmas”]

  • An example of a cop-out in the bedroom [39:55]
  • What blocks us from knowing what we want in the bedroom- [44:25]
  • Simple practices for women to move toward sovereignty – [50:55]
  • The female orgasm – [58:50]
  • Parting comments – [1:04:55]
  • Q&A Section – [1:07:50]

Here, Ren and Christiane Answer Questions Like:

  • How do I heal the rift between my heart and my sex?
  • What is the biggest obstacle for women to experience orgasm?
  • How do I connect healthily to my sexuality in the midst of a busy life-style?
  • And many more heartfelt questions
  • Outro – [1:50:00]

HELPFUL LINKS:

Previous Podcast with Christiane – Embracing Diversity in Your Partner

Men’s Sexuality Podcast – With David Cates

Jayson Gaddis – Women’s Sexuality

The Magnificent Lover

Magnificent Lover – Sex Education

The Rewilding

The Pleasure Practice

Resources for female anatomy and arousal:

Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston

Erotic Massage for Healing and Pleasure by Caffyn Jesse

ABOUT:

Christiane

Christiane Pelmas, MSW, CSB, is a psychotherapist, educator and guide in private practice for more than two decades. She is a Somatic Sex Educator working with couples and individuals in traditional and non-traditional hands-on settings. She is the founder of the pioneering work of ReWilding and the co-founder and principle facilitator for The Magnificent Lover Course for Men.

Ren

Rensselear Resch, MS, CSB, is a somatic sex educator, certified sexological bodyworker and meditation instructor. She works with individuals, couples and communities in experiential and hands-on ways to discover the wisdom and power of the body and the innate generative energy that has us come alive and fully show up—not only in sex, but in our whole lives. Her depth and breadth of experience and skill allows her to serve as Guide and Muse for people from various walks of life.

 
 


 
 

Cock Talk – Men’s Sexual Issues – David Cates – SC 16

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INTRO:

This is another great podcast, and our first one around sexuality, especially as it pertains to men (women’s sexuality coming in the next episode). David and I explore my own challenges and triumphs and what’s going on in the male mind when it comes to getting stuck around “performing” in the bedroom. You’ll dig it.

SHOWNOTES:

  • Intro to David Cates [1:16]
  • Start of the interview [4:00]
  • How Jayson reached out to David when he was struggling sexually [5:25]
  • Men stuck in the “performance game” [8:05]

The struggle is designed to get you back home, to your heart” – Jayson [8:51]

  • Your Cock is a Barometer. Learn to trust it [9:04]

We can shift off the fear that I’m being betrayed by my cock, and into the inquiry or curiosity about: what is my cock really trying to show me?  Whats the message here, what do I need to be learning about?” – David [10:15]

[bctt tweet=”We use porn as a drug – David Cates”]

  • What performance-based sex looks like  [14:45]
  • A hallmark of fully mature sex [16:00]

[bctt tweet= “Fully mature sex: one of the hallmarks of it is the ability to be awkward and laugh… – David Cates”]

  • Where to start developing a mature sex life [18:58]
  • Sexual pain is just a signal for attention [21:00]
  • When porn becomes a problem [24:00]

The anti-venom to porn is to be in our bodies, and be in our hearts” -David

  • What to do when given the advice “just have sex” [27:55]
  • Partner Intimacy Practice 31:30]

“This practice gently resets the nervous system out of adrenaline and cortisal, and into a more oxytocin state of connection and safety and let-go and trust.” – David

  • How to do your deep breathing in the practice [38:33]
  • How to touch each other in the practice [40:00]
  • What about performance anxiety for women? [42:56]
  • Finding the right pace – and getting unstuck from your habits [46:34]
  • Rediscovering your heart in your sex life [49:00]
  • Giving yourself permission to be who you are in the bedroom [54:00]
  • The one thing a listener could take from David Cates [56:20]

“That’s where all the problems happen: when we’re performing to an ideal, and when we’re expecting an ideal, instead of the messy, beautiful, chaotic perfection of each moment and each person.”  – David [57:15]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

Information on the vagus nerve

Information on polyvagal theory

Potential negative impacts of porn

Travel Tips: Bali

If you want to go deeper, you can listen to Jayson and David discuss PE, here.  And if you want a detailed description of David’s partner practice, you can find that here.

If you’ve been struggling with erectile dysfunction, or you are a woman whose man has been dealing with ED, click here.

ABOUT:

david

“Don’t take my word for anything. Try it out and see for yourself. I’m just a messenger… one who’s been paying attention to bodies for decades. It’s amazing how much you can learn when you’re not obsessing with your own bullshit.” – David

 
 


 
 

Your Edgy Relationship Questions – SC 14

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[bctt tweet=”Relationship to me is all about welcoming all of us, including the parts that want to hide.”]

SHOWNOTES:

In this episode Jayson fields a bunch of great questions from listeners like you.

Here are a few of the edited questions:

  • Do you work with people who are actively having an affair and want to continue it?
  • How do I deal with a partner who refuses to do the work?
  • What do I do when I fall out of love with my partner?
  • How can I feel sexually empowered in a relationship when my partner lacks both the desire to have sex and the desire to talk about it?
  • How do I deal with the loss of my partner?
  • How do I tell someone what I need in a way that doesn’t shame them or make them wrong?
  • How do I work through conflict when my partner is stuck in denial?

Now, what is your question? Just ask Jayson by recording your question here or leaving us an email at [email protected]. Be sure to label it “podcast question”. 

[bctt tweet=”Relationship is this wonderful place where we find out if we are going to be accepted for who we are.”]

 
 


 
 

MDMA in Relationships? – Dr Will Vanderveer – SC 13

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Can MDMA help our relationships if we do this in a legit way? I explore this question with Dr Vanderveer and we zero in on some key factors if you want to improve your marriage or relationship life using medicine such as MDMA.

SHOWNOTES 

  • Jayson shares his own experiences with MDMA – [1:50]
  • The Low-Down on MDMA trials [4:55]
  • Who is MDMA for? [6:20]

[bctt tweet=”It’s about helping people find their own wisdom. – Dr. Vandeveer re: MDMA/PTSD trials”]

  • What a MDMA-assisted psychotherapy session looks like [8:28]
  • “There’s something really warm and cozy about that” [10:50]
  • Why use MDMA? -Tapping into shared humanity. [13:22]
  • Why does traditional therapy often fall short? [14:45]
  • The importance of integration and structured therapy with MDMA [18:55]
  • Jayson’s MDMA use in college [20:40]

[bctt tweet=”We’re seeing huge changes, in almost everybody. – Dr. Vandeveer on MDMA/PTSD trials”]

  • Learning to use MDMA safely [24:00]
  • The “Quality”Problems that MDMA-assisted-therapy brings [35:55]
  • Jayson’s experience of a facilitated MDMA session [38:05]
  • Integrating these experiences into your relationships [40:30]
  • The context is everything” [44:15]
  • State-Changes vs Trait-Changes [45:30]
  • The future of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy [53:10]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

List of Scheduled Drugs

MAPS – Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies

Research into use of MDMA to treat PTSD

2011 MDMA/PTSD Study

National Psychedelic Symposium

Rick Strassman – The Spirit Molecule

Meet the People Who Want to Make It Safer to Take Drugs at Festivals

Is Ecstasy the Key to Treating Women with PTSD?

 

MDMA podcast

About the Boulder Study:

MDMA in clinical trials has been given to 780 people with only one serious adverse event and no deaths. Per www.mdmaptsd.org

The Boulder study will total out at 26 participants, and altogether will deliver around 100 MDMA sessions to these folks (3 full dose per person and about 20 comparator-dose sessions).

Dr Vanderveer is a co-therapist with 6 participants (so far, 18 8-hour sessions, and a few more to go) and has administered doses to people around 80 times thus far. Needless to say, Dr Vanderveer has a LOT of experience in this setting.

ABOUT Dr Will Vanderveer:

Will Vanderveer, MD is the founder and medical director of the Integrative Psychiatric Healing Center in Boulder, CO, where he has practiced holistic psychiatry for 14 years. Currently he is wrapping up a Phase II randomized clinical trial of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for treatment-resistant post-traumatic stress disorder.

The spiritual and physiological dimensions of traumatic experiences such as Adverse Childhood Events (ACE’s) and their physiological sequelae are a central focus of his clinical work. His skill set includes PTSD psychotherapies such as EMDR and somatic experiencing, adrenal and gut remediation, orthomolecular techniques, hormone balancing, and mindfulness and meditation instruction.

In addition to working with patients, he teaches holistic psychiatry, facilitates shadow work groups, and co-facilitates heal-the healer retreats with Gabor Mate.

For more information, visit and CONNECT with Dr. Will Vanderveer:

Will Vanderveer:

www.willvanderveer.com

Psychiatry Masterclass:

www.psychiatrymasterclass.com

Hear more from Dr Vanderveer In the Smart Couple here: SC 4 – Dr. Will Vanderveer

 

 
 


 
 

The 3 Evolutionary Drivers in Relationship – Dr. Keith Witt – SC 12

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Man is this guy a force! I dive into a vibrant conversation with integral-psychotherapist and writer Dr. Keith Witt.  Topics range from growth, depression, working with shadow, evolutionary drivers, marriage, parenting and much more.  Bring a notepad for this one! And, get the rewind button ready…

SHOWNOTES:

  • Everything is relationships [2:33]
  • Rediscovering monogamy [4:20]
  • How to “make it” in long term relationship [5:05]
  • Getting aligned in your growth [6:15]

[bctt tweet=”“Being willing to grow means being willing to encounter your own shadow as it emerges” – Dr Keith Witt”]

  • Causes and cures of depression [8:40]
  • Different kinds of shadow [9:55]
  • The two characteristics of humans in relationships [12:43]
  • Understanding our kids’ motivations [16:45]
  • The  Three Evolutionary  ‘drivers’ in relationship (and pitfalls) [18;09]
  • Integral Mindfulness in relationships. [22:54]
  • Relationships and Kids – and tackling the challenges of it [26:13]
  • The transition to middle age [28:37]
  • What Keith Witt does in his relationships – “Romantic Fridays”  [30:24]
  • The ‘evolution’ of our empathy [36:30]
  • The necessity of shame [39:30]

[bctt tweet=”“At some point, you have to decide to grow” – Dr Keith Witt”]

  •  Secure attachment explained [47:15]
  • Developing mindfulness – learn to self observe [53:37]
  • Final Advice from Keith Witt [01:01:30]

shadow3

 

ABOUT KEITH:

Dr. Keith Witt is a Licensed Psychologist, teacher, and author who has lived and worked in Santa Barbara, CA. for over forty years. Dr. Witt is the founder of The School of Love, where he offers his School of Love Lecture SeriesblogsTherapist in the Wild web-series, and Integral Conversations audios and videos on health, love, relationship, sexuality, spirituality, development, and psychotherapy related topics.

Keith’s work has explored Integrally Informed Psychotherapy, intimacy, human development, spirituality, and sexuality yielding five books (Integral Mindfulness, Waking Up, Sessions, The Attuned Familyand The Gift of Shame), three TEDx talks, and lectures and classes which he has taught across the U.S. Waking Up and its companion volume, Sessions, are two of the first texts on Integrally Informed Psychotherapy.

His popular audio class, Loving Completely, is offered through Integral Life. Keith has conducted over fifty-five thousand therapy sessions, led many groups, and has been a contributor to Integral Life and the Journal of Integral Theory and Practice.

In presentations around the country–including Integral Life’s What’s Next, Integral Theories Conferences, and his ongoing series, The Shrink and the Pundit with Jeff Salzman–Keith has explored love, intra and interpersonal relationships, and development from multiple perspectives, weaving neuroscience, Integral theory, wisdom traditions, and numerous forms of psychotherapy into a coherent cosmology of love and development. Check out his new book, Integral Mindfulnesshis audio series Loving Completelyon Integral Life, and his website, drkeithwitt.com.

 

 

Alignment is the New Sexy – SC 11

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People don’t trust you when you are misaligned. You say you’re “fine” but really you feel angry. Or you say “I love you” but your body language is saying something different. This causes people to pull back from you.

The more congruent someone is the more trustworthy they are.

We get really pissed when our partner is out of alignment. In fact, we even resent them over time. But that is often a reflection of our own misalignment.

In This episode you will learn:

  • Dealing with the ‘I’m Fine’ moment – Unlearning incongruency [1:33]
  • Alignment in your marriage and work [6:00]
  • Being ‘on the path’ to alignment [9:10]
  • Tool: Sharing the Impact of non-alignment [10:07]

ACTION STEP: If you have a close friend or your spouse who is misaligned, take a risk and share impact. I cover “how” in this episode. Wouldn’t you want someone to let you know if you were bullshitting yourself?